Godly Encouragement

I praise God for the Godly friends I have. Over the weekend, I received 2 pieces of encouraging words from Hubby and from a friend. After the frustrations I had felt with my body, the timing of both were perfect! Especially in light of this week's up-coming appointment!!!

Hubby and I were driving up the M1 and we were talking - or rather I was talking - about my fears for the appointment I have at the "in"fertility clinic. He listened, and then spoke, reminding me of the commitment I have with the Lord to do things His way and not my own! He asked if I had considered whether God had been holding off because of the other areas of my life which are taking off in a huge way - If I was pregnant or had a young baby, would I have been able to step into the opportunities God has recently opened up for me. That's not to say the two can't come together in the future, but right now, as this is all new to me, maybe the Lord is allowing me to step into this new-ness, and to get used to is before Bubba arrives.

What hubby had said had made a lot of sense to me (though I am aware it may not make sense here, because I don't want to give away too many details of my life, in case people are able to work out who I am!!! No point in not giving my name then!!), and he put a fresh insight into the delay.

On the same day, a friend had sent me a random text message. In it she had described a dream the Lord had given to her - and in the dream I had been about 7 months pregnant! A prophetic dream of what is to come!! She told me she believed the Lord wanted me to know He had heard my prayers and will answer them, giving me the desire of my heart - namely to hold Bubba in my arms when he/she is born!

I am so grateful to the Lord for giving me such hope and reassurance over the weekend. He knows how much I needed it!!!  

As my friend ended the text, she challenged me to exercise the faith God had given to me - for faith is the substance of things hoped for... and I hope for Bubba, so maybe I need to do something of substance to demonstrate my faith, in the word God has given to me concerning Bubba...  It may be months, it may be years (although I hope not!) but the Lord has promised Bubba will come. If I want to show how much I believe this, I think I do need to do something. I'm not sure what that would be. Maybe I should purchase something for Bubba's arrival!!

How exciting!!!! :-)

Me and My Body Fell Out!

I fell out with my body this month - if I could disown it, I would!! But alas, it is attached to me - well actually, I can live without it!!!

So last week, I had a couple of days where I felt incredibly nauseous - not like a normal "I've eaten too much", or "I've eaten something dodgy". There were a couple of days when I was at work and suddenly felt hot and couldn't stomach eating anything except some dry toast. In fact when one of my colleagues asked me if I fancied any chicken for lunch, my stomach lurched... I mean literally lurched! And in Church on the Sunday I thought I was going to have to walk out of the service and make my way calmly to the ladies!

So with this, my mind started to think "this might be the month"!!! I mean, it's a natural thought isn't it??? As nausea is one of the early symptoms.

But it was just my body playing cruel tricks on me. As I write, I am dosed up on "Feminax" and cuddle a hotty wotty botty to my abdomen! Cruel cruel body!
I've heard of women having phantom pregnancies, but never thought I would be one of those women. OK, so I didn't have a lot of symptoms, just felt a bit nauseous at the time of when I could have conceived. But there are occasions when a woman will have lots of "pregnancy" symptoms without being pregnant - even to the point of the stomach growing just as it does when she is really pregnant. It must be really hard to be in that position. Not only does a woman have the excitement of a pregnancy crushed in one moment when she realises it was false, but she has the frustration of another failed month (or more, in some cases the woman can be falsely pregnant for a while, even confusing doctors treating her) in her conception journey.

When we trust our conception journey to the Lord, we know that it will happen in His time. And if it doesn't, even when we don't know why, God does. I thank Him that I have not had one of those false pregnancies. I thank Him also, that I have not, in the 1 year and 1 month conceived, only to have lost Bubba. I pray I never will - even though my mum and sister in law did, I'm not sure if miscarriage or "babies born sleeping" is a genetic issue, whether what the women in my family before me has endured will affect my own experience. But I commit this to the Lord.


Psychologically, when we want something enough, our bodies can convince us it is happening to us, or to everyone around us. For example, when I wanted a new car, I kept seeing EVERYWHERE the car I wanted; when I was single, it seemed like EVERYONE ELSE was married! And now, as Hubby and I are on this journey, it seems as though even my own body is prepared to deceive me into believing a) EVERY WOMAN around me is pregnant, or b) that I have become pregnant when I am not.

It is times like this when I need to trust God even more than normal. It is times like this, when my own body has betrayed me in this way that I have to turn to God, cry out to Him and ask Him to help me this month. I have to entrust my body and my future into His hands, knowing and trusting that His plans for me are good, that He plans to prosper me and Hubby - and part of us prospering, will be to have a family. I have to trust Him, and the desires of my heart to Him. And I do! I hope you can too. 

...Awkward!!

I was recently talking with a friend and colleague - a beautiful Godly woman I look up to a lot. She's older than me, so we often have some wonderful time of encouragement and learning (usually on my part!!).

On this occasion, we had been talking about cars, and I shared with her my desire to get a new car at some point. Hubby and I have spoken about the fact that when Bubba arrives, the small car we have now won't really be suitable for a family of "four" (including my step son who stays with us once a fortnight).

I think about all aspects of the future... as you can tell!!

She asked then that million dollar question... "When do you see yourself having a family of your own?"

I responded "Well, we've been trying for a year, so I don't know. Whenever the Lord allows us to have one."

Silence ensued.

"God knows what He is doing" I said.


It was a little awkward, and if we hadn't been interrupted by a couple of people ahead of us, then who knows where the conversation would have been led. I think so often, people take it for granted that woman can have children. We seem to forget that not everyone can. Many women are struggling with the idea of being "infertile" - or as the Bile would say, "barren". It would be lovely if we could have all the answers to life's difficult questions, or if the right thing to say were always on the tip of our tongue at any given moment. Not in a glib, superficial kind of a way, but in a sincere empathetic way.

We each receive a measure of comfort from the Lord. And yes, it is easier to comfort someone when you have been through exactly what someone else is going through. It's easier to see where they are at when you have been there. But at the same time - we can support one another even if we haven't been through the same life problem, just because life is not perfect and stuff happens!

I would have loved to take away that moment of awkwardness... and many other times of awkwardness when people ask me the "family" question. But I can't. What I can do, is receive the encouragement offered and the confirmation of hope in Jesus. What I can do is receive your prayer support.

If ever you encounter one of those "awkward silences" why not offer to pray with the person you are speaking with. Pray in agreement with them for the thing they are seeking God about. Pray for God's strength to endure. Pray for the Lord to uphold them, with His righteous right hand - because even if you haven't been where you are - one day you may need someone to pray for you. 

Dodgy Products Horror!

I may not be expecting Bubba just yet, but I like to be informed of what is available, when the time does come. So occasionally, I have a look at what products are out there and dream the hours away!! Don't tell me you've never done that yourself!!!

I have, literally, just been watching a programme on the Beeb - Fake Britain... I do quite like these kinds of programmes for the information they provide the general public with. So it was with interest I watched the story about fake products being sold to new parents for their babies. Products such as the newly popular baby carrier - made famous by some of the celebs society (sadly) aspires toward.

This particular mother in the interview had bought a famous brand of baby carrier through ebay, and slowly things started to go wrong with it... seams came undone, bits started to tear, but the scariest thing was when one of the straps came away and the mother's baby almost fell out.

I am aware of the amount of unscrupulous people out there who don't care about your baby as much as they should be for another human life - they care only about they money make. As a result their desire for more money exceeds their desire to keep your baby safe.

If you are a new mum, or you're expecting or you're TTC and dreaming while you wait, please be aware of the stuff you buy for your new-born. As far as possible, try to buy direct from the company / supplier etc... But I know this is not always possible, because money is tight!!! I pray that if you do need to purchase something from ebay - or a second-hand seller, the Holy Spirit will prompt you in your heart if something is not right with the item you are considering - because He knows all things, and He cares more about your baby than we ever will. As you shop online, be open to the still small voice of God as He directs you - because believe it or not, He cares about all the tiny details of our lives - as well as the bigger choices we make.

Pregnant Women Everywhere!

Saturday afternoon equals SHOPPING!! So off I went with family in tow to one of those all under one roof, all singing, all dancing shopping centres. I really enjoy wandering around and seeing what's available on offer etc...

My mum decided she was going to "powder her nose"at one point in our expedition, so I waited outside for her.

I absent-mindedly observed people walking past, one of those past-times we all engage in from time to time. It seemed as though every woman who walked past me was either pregnant or pushing a new born in front of them! Every single woman!!!!

Now, I know this wasn't really the case, because psychologically if we really want something, we tend to focus on it in others, so it is obviously foremost in my mind. It was nice to see, actually. But it also made the longing inside me stronger!

One day, hopefully, at some point in the future you'll be observing me as one such woman!!!

Here's to Good Friends

A good friend of mine came to stay for a few days recently. She arrived at a time when I had just found out this month is another unsuccessful month. But it actually helped having her here to share with... A problem halved and all that jazz!

Over lunch one day, she was telling me what it was like for her to be pregnant, and the trials and triumphs of her experiences. I have heard people telling me before about what their pregnancy experiences was like - how some really enjoyed being pregnant, while others hated it... not sure how it will be for me - time (hopefully) will tell. My friend had been quite relaxed about it, so it seems. 

I know everyone's experiences are different, but I love to research... probably too much. I love to know what is going on in my body at various times, and I want to know what to expect. Even though I am not there yet.

So this month, I was a lot more relaxed about the fact we were not successful in conception - in that I didn't have a down day this time around. I didn't mope around with the "woe is me" attitude I have had in the past. I didn't want to hide in bed all day and not resurface or talk to people. I was able to share what I was going through... get it out of my system!

So, my friend left me with two thoughts, which I will share with you:
One: That what the time comes, she is convinced I will make a great mum... although she can see me waking up one day holding this baby in my arms saying, "I've got a baby. Arrrrgggghhhhhhh I've got a baby... What do I do!!!!" Lol!!!! :-)  Baby Blues can hit any woman at any time - it doesn't have to mean we have post-natal depression.

Two: It will help if I start practicing my squats, and lowering my pelvic floor as low as I can... Apparently, it will eventually help with the whole labour process. She suggested I watch "One Born Every Minute" but TBH... I'm so not ready for THAT kind of research!!!

Thank you Asda - she says sarcastically!!

I went into my local supermarket today, needing to buy some sanitary products - I tend to buy when I run out instead of ensuring there's always stock in the house - as I want to be Bubba's Mumma!

Anyway, I was looking down the aisles for them - they used to be near the beauty products and make-up and all that girlie stuff I love to browse through when I get a moment. But they had been moved...

Where did I find them?????
Next to all the baby stuff.. the nappies, the baby food, the stuff for a new mum... so yeah - thank you Asda for moving it for me! A great reminder, yet again, that this month was not successful!!! Great amount of thought and sensitivity went into that product placement!!! NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!