Overwhelmed

I want a baby!

Hubby is currently away, spending time with his son, and it's giving me time to think and wonder what it would be like to spend time with my own child. It doesn't help when Hubby handed the phone to my Step-Son who thought it was his mum and so called me "mum". 

What would it be really like to be called "mum", like for real? 
By my own child? 
To actually belong to someone in that way???

There's only so long I can stay strong for, before the hurt begins to overwhelm me... and today is one of those days. A day of unmet longings. A day of wondering. A day of sadness. A day of heaviness. A day of recognising the loneliness, rather than trying to run from it, or hide from it. 

To admit - I want a baby.

And though it has been thrown at me, "You're too desperate" is that such a bad thing??
I am desperate.
Desperate to have a child of my own.
Desperate to be a mum.


God is our strength, and draws closest to us when we feel furthest away from His embrace. 

Clomid Side-Effects... Continued

Even though I had to stop taking Clomid after the third day, due to the severe allergic reaction I'd had, I found that two days later, I was an emotional wreak. Poor Hubby!

I had warned him before starting the course of Clomid, that one of the most common side-effects was mood swings. I think he naively assumed it would by-pass his sane, placid, easy-going wife... but even she got hit by the chemical reaction!!

Oh my days... I was such a Groucho Marx snapping at Hubby, growling at him and generally being incredibly moody, sulky and annoyingly selfish - without actually knowing why or how to stop. But then, the creme de la creme of mood swings came upon me, just as Hubby was romantically leading me upstairs to "put a baby in my belly" as Lily Aldrin said to her Hubby Marshall (How I Met Your Mother - hilarious sitcom). I suddenly and without warning burst into tears! Hand balled into a fist, rubbing my eyes, face blotchy and red as I cried like a toddler!!! Soooo attractive for the moment! Ha!

Looking back, I realise how hilarious this would have appeared to the casual observer!! At the time it was so out of character, it was easy to recognise the source, once I'd stopped crying!

I think Hubby has come off lightly, now I am no longer on the meds!!