"It". Infertility.
The name for the difficulties women like me face, if we don't conceive within a certain length of time.
When I last spoke with the Consultant, the week before Christmas, he left me with a decision to make about our next step. I've already outlined the three options which had been presented to me (click on the links to read more, if you want to know more):
The way he had presented the options to me, made it seem as though I would have to go through the surgery, in order for the drug treatment to work. But I really didn't feel comfortable about having surgery - especially if I don't need to have it.
So with this in mind, I contacted my consultant to find out if it would be possible to have the fertility drugs first and then keep the surgery option as a back-up. I would rather not have had to make any decision at all, to be perfectly honest, but like I said, burying my head in the sand isn't an option anymore. I kinda did one of those "prayers" before hearing from the consultant that God would help me be at peace with the decision I made, but that if I could avoid the surgery, I would really appreciate it.
It took a lot to just pray that, at New Year, I normally spend some time thanking God for the past year and praying for the year ahead, but this year, all I could bring myself to write in my journal was the fact I had nothing to say at that time. The desire for a child threatened to over-shadow my desire for a closer relationship with the Lord, no matter how many times I tell myself, "God is in control" or, "I trust God with every area of my life"!
I really appreciate that God loves me, and knows how to bring reassurance and peace into my heart, so when the consultant's secretary called me back with the answer I wanted to hear, I felt so at peace with the next step I would be taking. I don't have to have the surgery straight away, I can try a course of the fertility drug first. This is such a relief to me, as I know God heard my heart's desire to try to have Bubba in as natural a way as possible - having the surgery would have felt more like an invasive intervention than just taking a few pills... in my head it does!
So, the next step has been decided and confirmed. There is just one test outstanding before we can start the course, which is Hubby's department, not mine - for a change! And then the Journey For Bubba moves forward to the next step. Whatever the outcome, I know God is with me, upholding me and strengthening me at every point. I have no doubt there will be some tough heart-aches and tears while we are on this next step, but in the Lord, there will also be joy and laughter in this season. Finding the balance between faith and practical progress is tough sometimes, but honestly, I hope Bubba is conceived during this next phase, but if he or she isn't, "it is well with my soul".
