About Me

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Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Grass Juice

It's about a month since I started the new herbal routine. The idea is that I cut out some of the acidic foods from my diet - which include some of my absolute favourite foods, like pork, including the ever so scrummy bacon sarnies and cherry tomatoes... gutted! In fact, the Sunday after I started the diet, Hubby had bought a joint of pork for dinner... Oh my days - the smell was sooo scrumptious, but I reminded myself of the reasons I was no longer eating pork.

The next day, I met a friend in a cafe, and seriously, I swear the cafe had bought a new room fragrance.. bacon butties! The smell was so strong, it travelled up my nose well before I stepped into the building!

And my Mum-in-Law grows her own fruit and veg... and she happened to have harvested a LOT of tomatoes... especially those juicy, sweet cherry tomatoes... Oh man!

But I made a decision to try to eat in such a way to reduce the inflammation in my body which is affecting my ability to conceive. OK, so there's no actual proof it will change anything, but I have to try. I can't sit around carrying on as I was, because only an idiot expects a change to occur where they do the same thing over and over. I may be many things, but an idiot I am not!

There are times when I end up eating one of the "forbidden" foods on my list, like last night when I went to get some toast and my wholemeal bread had gone mouldy - Hubby's white loaf was fine.

And then... there is the additional "grass juice" as Hubby calls it! Oh my days, the taste...! It's not exactly one to enjoy on a summer's evening!!! But I have to keep my eyes on the bigger picture. From the day of the HSG to the day of the operation, things had deteriorated inside my Tubes. In re-addressing the balance of food into my system, who knows if I can reverse the symptoms and, with the help of our Healer God, create an unblocked passage for my egg to meet with Hubby's little swimmers.

There won't be any scientific proof to suggest this would have happened - but I know that with God, nothing is impossible. Where man fails, He succeeds. Where there is no way, He will make a way possible.

So with this in mind... down the hatch with the grass juice!

Thursday, September 26, 2013


I have just come had an appointment with one of my Consultant's team. I wasn't sure what to expect, really - I thought he might want to check my scars from the op and talk about the options open to us, or something. Hubby couldn't make it, as the appointment was brought forward a week following a cancellation, and neither could my Sis-in Law.  So I went alone.

Actually, when I was ushered into the room, the junior doctor seemed to have an agenda... He told me that there is nothing more the NHS can do for me, and my only option is IVF (although he was supposed to have read my notes prior to me walking into the room; if he had, he'd have known IVF is not an an option for me, following the severe reaction to Clomid), and asking me about egg sharing or egg donation, and would I consider it if I pursued IVF.

I politely explained IVF wasn't an option for me. It turns out he's misunderstood the Consultant's notes when he'd read "possible referral to CARE" thinking this meant IVF, when it actually had been in reference to a discussion I'd had with my Consultant about Natural IVF... he stopped talking about egg sharing!

He then told me that as the NHS had nothing more they could do for me, I was being discharged. His nurse handed me a leaflet on CARE, in case I did want to look into Natural IVF later down the line, then he told me to "take care".

I was so glad I had my heels on, there's just something about a good pair of high - skyscraper high - heels to make you walk tall after a blow like that. Being discharged brought home the reality of the chapter closing. The door slamming in my face. While I was still "on the books" (so to speak), it felt like there had still been a glimmer of something being left open for me... somehow... even though I knew in reality there wasn't. Daft, I know!

I reckon when I left the room, the consultant and the nurse looked at each other like, "why was she so calm??" OK, so it wasn't just the shoes... The shalom of Jesus kept me from bursting into tears at that moment. Knowing that God has spoken to me, that He will make a way for Bubba, where science and medicine has fallen short, that's what held me together when I left the hospital.

I treated myself to a Costa coffee and muffin and left... this is the last appointment I will have in relation to the fertility problems I have been having. Hopefully the next time I enter, will be as the Journey for Bubba ends and the Journey with Bubba begins...

Friday, September 20, 2013

The Essence of Herbs

I was talking to a friend of mine about the failed operation. She had walked this journey about 20 years ago, and went on to have three children, so I felt safe enough to talk to her about my frustration about what had happened. We were at a friend's hen-do (lunch on the river, thank you very much!!) so it was quite funny having this conversation and trying to not burst into tears!!

She told me about a place near where she lives which specialises in Herbal Treatment for various conditions, and where science has failed, maybe I should look at other options. Normally, this kind of thing would have sent me running in totally the opposite direction, but she explained that the family had been running their clinic for over a hundred years, and that there were members of the family who were Messianic Jewish Believers.

So, I checked out the website, and read about each of the consultants. It turns out that one of them has actually chosen to focus her training and research specifically in fertility issues. I thought I might as well go and speak to her, she maybe able to help me feel like I was taking some control of the situation.

I spoke to Hubby about it, but he wasn't so keen. He suggested I seek the Lord's will in this, and wait a month before going. So I made an appointment for four weeks after we had spoken, and asked the Lord to make it clear to me if I should not go. But didn't hear anything. Except Hubby's hesitation.

On the day of the appointment, I made my way to Leicester and arrived at the Clinic in good time. I checked in and took a seat in the waiting room. On the wall there was a map of the UK and a map of the world, and people had stuck pins in to represent where they had come from. The appeal of this small family-run Herbal Clinic was world-wide.

My consultant came to meet me from the waiting room, and led me into her consultation room. It looked just like a doctor's surgery room with the medical bed, a desk, scales etc... this actually made me relax a bit actually, it was a familiar environment.

She then asked all kinds of questions and I answered them, explaining about the tests I'd had, the clomid allergy, the failed operation, the endo... she went through everything about my lifestyle habits, my cycle, diet etc... Then she checked my glucose levels, my iron levels, and blood pressure. She then asked me to lie on the bed while she checked my abdomen (using techniques reminiscent of an old film, where the doctor taps his hands on the back of her hand over various parts of the abdomen!).

She said she thought that I may have endo with a hint of PCOS (looking at the huge acne outbreak on my face and chest, the spots reminded her of PCOS sufferers plus I'd told her about my Mother's PCOS issues). She suggested we try a diet which cuts out acidic foods, to try to help my body fight against the inflammation within my tubes. She listed some of my favourite foods which were acidic and which I should avoid... pork (no more bacon butties!!), strawberries, chocolate, white bread / pasta / rice etc... and said she would give me a mixture of liquid and tablets which would supplement this.

After an hour, I was led back to the waiting room, and waited for my prescription to be made up. When I asked what would be in it, she said she would need to work it out once I had finished my consultation, but if I really wanted to know, I could email her. I am yet to send her the email though - I kinda got the feeling that she would prefer to not give this information, in case I just get my own (cheaper) version!

After about 15 minutes, I was handed a big bottle of brown liquid, and a tube of pale brown tablets... oh, and a very very BIG bill... I was expecting it to be a fair amount, but the invoice was waaaay more than I had anticipated!

"That's OK" the reception replied breezily, "you can pay on a weekly basis!"
"But I only get paid monthly, so would be able to pay any more until next month... and probably the month after that!"
"That's OK, just pay what you can now, and then the rest as and when you can."

So now, I have a ban on chocolate, an unhappy Hubby, and no chance to buy any shoes for the next two months, till I pay off this bill...

"At least it's cheaper than IVF!" I explained to Hubby after telling him about the new debt...

But, I'm not sure I can keep this treatment up for long!