Salty Spring Water

Each night, before I sleep, I listen to the Bible on my phone. The plan I'm following at the moment reads a number of chapters in chronological order as I work my way through it in a year, although I tend to do more than one day at a time, some days.

I can hear you muttering, "that's not very blog-worthy", but bear with me, I just wanted to set the scene for you. 

Having been brought up in the Church, the daughter of a Baptist Minister, I thought that when it came to the Bible, there wasn't much I've not read. But God is clearly sooo much bigger than I am, because in a recent reading from the Bible reading plan, I heard about Elisha's first miracle after he had watched Elijah being taken into heaven. And I know I must have read it before, but this time, I actually HEARD it, if that makes sense.

2 Kings 2: 19-22 (NLT): One day the leaders of the town of Jericho visited Elisha. “We have a problem, my lord,” they told him. “This town is located in pleasant surroundings, as you can see. But the water is bad, and the land is unproductive.” Elisha said, “Bring me a new bowl with salt in it.” So they brought it to him. Then he went out to the spring that supplied the town with water and threw the salt into it. And he said, “This is what the Lord says: I have purified this water. It will no longer cause death or infertility.” And the water has remained pure ever since, just as Elisha said.

Did you miss it too?

When Elisha throws salt into the spring which supplies the town's water, he tells them,  “This is what the Lord says: I have purified this water. It will no longer cause death or infertility.” I was so surprised by this, that I actually exclaimed aloud (Hubby HAD been asleep), "INFERTILITY"??!

As soon as I could, I wanted to check how the Hebrew Scriptures puts it, whether it meant infertility of women or whether it was talking about the unfruitfulness of the land itself. 

The Orthodox Jewish Bible says,
And he went forth unto the motza hamayim (spring of water), and cast the melach (salt) in there, and said, Thus saith Hashem, I have healed these mayim (waters); there shall not be from there any more mavet or meshakkalet (unfruitfulness, barrenness)

While The Complete Jewish Bible writes it as,
He went out to the source of the water, threw salt into it and said, “This is what Adonai says: ‘I have healed this water; it will no longer cause death or miscarrying.’”

The Complete Jewish Bible certainly offers the strong suggestion that somehow the waters were not only bad for the land, but for the people who drank from the Spring too. There are instances in Scripture where God causes women to be infertile as a result of sin, such as when Abraham tells Sarah to lie about who she is, and God caused the women of Egypt to be infertile while she lived with Pharaoh (Genesis 20:18). She was a woman of the promise! But I don't think there is an actual situation like this where the water supply is causing a problem with infertility.

I have explored the influence of food on the body (see for example, Taking Control or Removing the Yeast) in past blogs, and will probably continue to do so, because I do think there is a correlation between what we put into our bodies and the affect it has on our health - and fertility is a health issue!

But this story has made me think, "Maybe I need to go and live in Jordan"!!! OK, perhaps it hasn't, but I wonder if there is anything I need to understand about the basics of things like the chemicals which are pumped into our water supplies and how this is affecting me. Do I need to get some special salt and put it in each glass before I drink it??!! 

OK - I'm being overly-flippant here, I know I am... But what if...

I'm now about to leave my spot in Starbucks and pay a visit to Holland & Barrett!!




 

Never Satisfied...

 There are three things that are never satisfied —
    No, four that never say,
          “Enough!”:
              
               the grave,
                      the barren womb,
                            the thirsty desert,
                                   the blazing fire.

Proverbs 30:15-16      

         

Women in the Bible who Didn't Conceive

Whenever I think about women in the Bible whose stories relate to ours, with the journey for a Baby, there always seems to be a happy ending to their stories. But no amount of faith or hoping can guarantee a happy ending to my story. And I'm not speaking out of faith here, I'm just being realistic!

So I asked God, "Lord, where are the story of women who would have wanted to become mothers, in the Bible, but who didn't?"

There are three women who came to mind, and I have decided to study their stories for this blog. 

Part of what I do in my "real life" is to teach from the Scriptures, so it would be only right to allow this aspect of my character and passion to flow through to what I am doing here in this blog, in order to remain true to myself. The purpose of this blog is to offer encouragement to anyone who is on a similar Journey for Bubba to mine. Although, at the end of the day our stories will all be different, and this may not actually interest you. But I needed to know if there really are women in the Bible who anyone can relate to - and I believe this is what God is showing through the lives of the three women He is highlighting.

As I read through each woman's story, I hope to be able to share my study with you.
But for now, here are the three women:  

Tamar (1 Samuel 13)
"So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house."

Jephthah's daughter (Judges 11)
"And it was so at the end of two months that she returned to her father, and he carried out his vow with her which he had vowed. She knew no man."

Anna (Luke 2)
"She was of a great age, and had lived with a husband seven years from her virginity; and this woman was a widow of about eighty-four years"

Above The Doctor's Report

While he was still speaking to her, messengers arrived from the home of Jairus, the leader of the synagogue. They told him, “Your daughter is dead. There’s no use troubling the Teacher now.” But Jesus overheard them and said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid. Just have faith.” Mark 5:35-36

Ahhh... the voices of doom and gloom! The messengers of discouragement, who tell you what you really didn't want to hear! No one wants to know that what you are hoping for has died, especially in the battle of fertility! 

I'll be honest, when the doctors dismissed me with a handshake and a courteous "good luck", it actually felt like the hope for Bubba had died. It was like in that moment, as the Consultant's office door closed, all I heard was, "There are no other avenues, no further options, we are writing you off and don't hold out much hope for you chances."

The messenger had declared to me, "Your desire for a son or daughter is useless, your chance of becoming a Mumma is dead."

But as I was reading this passage in Mark, it was like the Spirit of God was actually speaking over me, "Don't be afraid. Just have faith." He was combating the thoughts of death and hopelessness with His truth, giving me back a sense of hope, of reassurance and keeping the dream for Bubba alive. 

It isn't an easy process. It has taken me, what, six months to hear Him say, "Don't be afraid. Just have faith." And now I have to begin to implement that in my Journey - the first stage involves me to stop being afraid that I won't ever know the joy of becoming a mum. The second involves me once again having faith that it will happen. 

Whatever doctor's report has been spoken over your life, hold onto the Word of God... "Don't be afraid, just have faith." 

Talking About Fertility on Premier Radio

In the week leading up to the National Infertility Awareness Week, Maria Rodrigues-Toth interviewed Rosemary Morgan, author of the book, "Living With Infertility: A Christian Perspective" about her journey with infertility, on her Woman to Woman show (Premier Christian Radio).

Within the interview, Rosemary is honest about her relationship with God, and her anger toward Him, feeling that He was doing something terrible toward her, in withholding a baby from her. What she found though, was that God was feeling the pain she was - His arms aching for His children, just as her own arms ached to hold her own baby. She also speaks of the challenges to her womanhood, and the disappointment she felt each month having to tell her Hubby they were not pregnant, not to mention the things people say!

I have since ordered the book, on the back of hearing the interview, which I will review. In the meantime, click here to listen to Maria's interview with Rosemary on Premier Christian Radio's Woman to Woman show.

Take Back What Was Stolen

I was reminiscing with my little brother about a song we used to love to sing and shout and dance around to... usually when we were in the car... much to the amusement of other drivers!

The song formed part of a medley of songs, titled, "Enemy's Camp / Look What the Lord Has Done!" (listen here) and we used to turn up loud and proclaim the words for our own lives. 

As I was listening to it tonight, I suddenly had a sense of God's voice saying that someone needed to proclaim this over their situation, relating to your journey through fertility:

The difficulties you face may have been caused by a sexually transmitted disease, as a result of life choices you have made... this is NOT God's punishment, take back what the enemy has stolen from you. It may be caused by a hereditary illness passed on from the generations before, this is NOT God's plan, take back what the enemy has stolen from you. It may be caused by a build up of toxins in your body, like Endometriosis or PCOS, God is your healing, take back what the enemy has stolen.

Whatever the reason for our battle to conceive, the enemy is trying to steal your hope, your peace, your joy, your sense of excitement for life - do not let him, take back what he has stolen. God gave them to YOU. They are freely available for you through Yeshua. Don't let the enemy steal what God has placed in your life - take back what he has stolen, proclaim the truth,  stomp around if you have to, and celebrate that one day, you WILL testify "Look What the Lord Has Done"!!!!

The Lord Did It

I came across one of those verses which is quite challenging to read. It is one of those verses which literally makes you re-read it, to double-check you hadn't misread it.

1 Samuel 1:5 "...although the Lord had closed her womb."

What?? Wait??? The Lord did it???

It's an uncomfortable verse to read. When you're a Christian, we have this perception that our lives should be uncomplicated! So how am I supposed to deal with the reality of a verse like this one???

My desire is for Bubba... That desire is deep in my heart, where the Spirit of the Lord Himself resides. He knows my deepest longing to become Bubba's Mumma. And yet... He has closed my womb.

If we believe life is created at the say so of our Almighty Creator God, then this uncomfortable concept has to be accepted too. Why He chooses to close one woman's womb, or open another is known only to Him. Maybe it's about timing, like in the case of John the Baptist's Mum who had to wait until the time of Yeshua's time to be born...any earlier, any later and the 'Voice of one crying in the desert' would have been silent. Maybe it's about God demonstrating His great power and authority over a situation - where humanity fails, God steps in to do the impossible in our lives, according to the plan He has for you and me.

The worst thing to do would be to deny the Lord's hand on your life, even with this difficult idea of Him being the one who has closed your womb. That is why we know that there is a hope and a purpose in asking Him to open our womb and to grant to us the gift of our Bubba. We can go to the One who gives life and know that He is the ONLY One who can actually do something about it.

Don't lose heart, wherever your journey is taking you. God may have closed your womb for a time, but His delay is not a definite NO forever... It may be taking time, but He knows when the time is right for your Bubba... Who else knows the destiny in the seed you and your Hubby are carrying!!!

God's Whisper Into My Broken Heart

I wasn't sure about sharing this, but I would like one day, when Bubba is conceived, I would like to use this to reflect on the Journey the Lord has led me on with Bubba when he or she is old enough to understand how God has planned him or her. 

A few weeks ago, a member of the Church, who is in the same Home Group, called me one Sunday morning, as she'd had a word from the Lord for me. I was going to Church in the evening, and as I was still recovering from the op, I'd decided to only attend the one service. Anyway, she called me after lunch and blew me away with what she shared with me:

She told me she had been praying for me during the morning while she was getting ready for Church, and while she was praying the Lord gave her a picture - a revelation. She said she saw me watching TV, watching the news reports of the new Royal baby's arrival. She said that as she watched me, watching TV, I was wiping tears from my eyes. She said she was taken back to the time in her life when she was trying for a baby, for a son she had been told she would never had, and experienced an overwhelming grief with me as she had felt back then. Then as the reports came to and end, and another programme came on, I shook my hair and wiped my face as if to say "Right then. That's it! Time to just move on with things."

She said after showing her this picture, He told her to tell me two things. One: He is Creator, and His speciality is in new creation. Two: He has not taken me off the mother list.

What this lady didn't know was that Hubby and I were trying for Bubba, and that I had just had an operation to unblock my Fallopian tubes, which had failed. When I said this to her, she said she had always seen me as a career woman with goals and ambition, and had not been confident enough to share the picture with me, without first checking it with our Home Group leader (who knows our situation). 

Neither did she know that the picture the Lord had shown her was EXACTLY how I had been during all the wall-to-wall news reports were being broadcast about the new royal arrival. As I prayed for the new baby and his royal parents, I felt overwhelming grief about my own situation, as I tried to come to terms with the abandoned op I'd had a few days earlier. 

And only the Lord knew how close I was to giving up hope of ever becoming Mumma to our own Bubba. Where science has failed me, God won't. He restored my hope for the future of having Bubba...and my hope for a future, full stop. 

I don't know how long we will have to wait - because God doesn't always reveal a time frame. But He has given me a glimpse into the work He is doing behind the scenes for Hubby and me. God IS the Creator of life - and where my Fallopian tubes have become blocked and are failing at this moment in time, God knows how to bypass this and to make a way for Bubba to be conceived where there seems to be absolutely no way. He is God. He will make a way through for the right sperm to connect with a healthy egg, and for a healthy Bubba to be conceived, implanted and develop. 

Thank You Lord for for whispering Your words of comfort and love, of a hope and a future into me broken heart. Thank You for the faithfulness of women like this who You are able to bring revelation and prophecy to, because they seek Your face. I pray for anyone reading this who needs this kind of encouragement for their own Journey for Bubba, that You would also whisper Your love, comfort, hope and future into their broken hearts, in Jesus' name.

Prophetic Fuschia - A Word for Someone.

OK, so I don't claim to be a prophet, or anything like that, and this is the first time this has really happened in relation to this blog, but I really feel that the Lord has given me a word for someone reading this. Now bearing in mind i don't know who reads this, I think it's amazing that God has chosen to use me to encourage you. So here goes.

In my hanging baskets last year, I added a couple of fuschias to add some colour and height. They looked amazing and served the purpose for which I had bought them, last summer. I don't know much about plants, so when the hanging basket died down in the late autumn, I just assumed I would need to buy more annuals when the time came for it in the late spring. Not thinking anything more about the mass of dead branches, and withered leaves which clogged up the hanging baskets at the front of my house. I suppose if I was a bit more savvy, I'd have created some kind of winter display, instead of leaving the dead stuff!

Skip ahead six months, and it's time for me to work on this year's display, so off I trundle one Bank Holiday to the Garden Centre and invest in a range of plants, some annuals and some perennials (this grow back year after year, so I'm told!!). I bought a load of soily stuff and with the help of some helpful random bloke who was minding his own business, I manage to get everything into the back of my car, and home!

It was such a gorgeous day as I sat on the patio, clearing out the old baskets and replanting the new stuff into the new soil, and I chatted with the Lord while I worked. When I picked up the third basket, I started to tip the old dead stuff out, when suddenly I looked closer at what was inside. The fuschia, which I had assumed was dead, had a couple of bright green leaves sprouting on it. There was life, where I thought there was death.

Someone reading this has been thinking that their womb is dead, because it is not doing what it should be doing. I had thought the fuschia was dead because it looked dead in the basket - I had thought it wasn't doing what it should have been doing - even though I had left it outside throughout the cold, hard winter we have just had.

You may have experienced a cold, hard "winter" in relation to your desire to start a family, and you may not have thought your womb was able to produce life, having only experienced death, but God is telling you that where you thought death was, He will bring life. Your womb is not dead. It will sprout new growth. Your womb will bring forth the life for which God created it. don't "throw it away".


Father God, I pray You will lead the right person / people to read this post who You have spoken this word over. And I pray that you will cause life to spring up in the womb which has been considered, or pronounced as being "dead". I pray for those wives of Husbands who are affected by fertility issues, that they too would experience life in that which has been thought of as being dead. Lord Jesus, I pray You would breathe life into couples whose hope is in You. In Jesus' name.

Devotions at Work - Encouragement From God

I am blessed in my work environment, in that I work for a Christian organisation, and every morning we start with devotions. Depending on who is leading it, this is either an informal discussion, or a formal teach (usually when the Boss leads it!!). When the office based team are doing it, we tend go through a book, chapter by chapter.

This morning, the Boss chose one of the passages which has been one of the foundational Scriptures for my own Journey of Faith. 1 Samuel chapter 1 which relays Hannah's struggle with TTC, and the moment she encounters God answering her prayer (I've written about Hannah in a number of posts on here, including this one, this one and this one)!

Now, I have never spoken to him about it... the most I had to tell him was a couple of weeks ago when both me and my colleague who are both working on a major project due for the beginning of July were facing operations at the same time (for different reasons). We had to explain what was happening and tell him we'd come up with a contingency plan, just in case we were both off at the same time. All he knows is that I am facing an Op for Gynea reasons!! No detail!!! It wouldn't take a genius to work it out though... I'm married, of child-bearing age (just), facing an operation and childless!!! So, to me at least, it is kinda obvious there may be an issue!!

So, if he doesn't know about my Journey for Bubba, God obviously laid it on his heart to bring it to the Staff Devotions for a reason. And as we read around, I was struck by the relevance of 'my' verses. So, I'm going to share a couple of them with you, which I ended up reading as the group read "around the table":

V12: As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth.

OK, so there's nothing glaringly obvious in that verse... I'm not sure there's really anything to observe about my mouth... but God observes when I talk with Him, and hears what I say, even when others are completely oblivious to my praying.

V17: Then Eli answered, "Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have made to Him." 

V27: [Hannah said to Eli] "For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him."

Both of these verses are INCREDIBLY relevant and on-point!!! Of all the verses I could have ended up reading within the group - these are the two which are so significant in terms of where I am at and my Journey for Bubba. The first one - is the high priest telling Hannah her prayer has been answered, even before she and her Hubby got together a few days later.

The second verse is a few years later, after the child has been conceived, born, and weened and Hannah confirms that the Lord indeed had heard her heart-cry, which the High Priest confirmed to her, and now here she was a living testimony saying almost word-for-word, exactly what Eli had said to her.

This, for me, is being added to my faith arsenal... that the Lord has indeed heard me, and will grant my petition made to Him, so that in the years to come I will proclaim as Hannah before me, "For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him."

Supernatural Childbirth - Another Helpful Book

Before Christmas, a friend of mine lent me a book she had been reading. She is, like me, struggling to conceive. She is further on in her journey, having tried IVF a couple of times. It helps to know that we are not the only couple in the Church who have been struggling with this issue. Anyway, she had bought a book called Supernatural Childbirth, by Jacki Mize (view book and biography on the Publishers website).

Now a few years ago, this book was doing "the rounds" among my pregnant friends, because in it Jackie talks about having pain-free births for the last three of her four children. So I have to be honest and say that initially, when I was given the book, my first thoughts were, "thank you very much, but I won't read that". I took it home and put it on my bedside table praying, "Lord, if You think there is something I can get from this book, then please prompt me to read it, otherwise I'll give it back to her in a couple of weeks."

I then forgot about it, as it gradually became buried under my Bible, my journal and a couple of other books I was reading!


About a week ago, it was staring at me from under my Bible, and I decided to read it. I have to be honest and say it was not what I had expected. I guess because it is called supernatural childBIRTH, and because all my pregnant friends had read it in preparation for their labour, I'd had pre-conceived ideas about it not being relevant for someone struggling to conceive - almost forgetting that my friend who gave it to me is also TTC.

Jackie Mize says, thoughout the book, that to start praying for a supernatural childbirth is best before you conceive. She talks about her own struggle to conceive, and the lessons she learnt through talking with God about her struggle, and about the prayers she prayed leading to the result of having three children supernaturally, pain-free and without complication. She says it's OK to ask God for a particular gender, and it is more worthwhile asking God before you conceive, rather than expecting Him to change the baby's gender in your womb! She says it is more beneficial to pray over every aspect of the pregnancy and labour before you are, as you invite God into the whole process, rather than at the end of it.

She looks at the relationships in the Bible of the "barren women", and shares some of the insights God gave to her and her husband, including some important lessons regarding the curse given by God after Adam and Eve had sinned in the Garden (see Genesis 3:14-19). She explains how the Holy Spirit had revealed to her and her husband that the word "sorrow" doesn't mean sadness / pain etc.. as has been interpreted for centuries. Rather the Hebrew word "sorrow" has the same meaning as "grief" as used of Jesus when He faces the cross. Jesus is not sorrowful - He is grieved.

One of the greatest aspects of this small book, for me, was the fact that throughout there is a sense of Jackie and her husband Terry TOGETHER in the journey. Her husband shares her sorrow and grief and together they seek God for conception and a pain free pregnancy and delivery. There's such a sense that she was not alone in her Journey for Bubba.

At the end of the book, Jackie provides the reader with a selection of prayers she prayed, not as a "this is how it should be done", but as a "this worked for me, allow the Holy Spirit to adapt it for you". Sometimes I find it hard to know HOW to pray, so having this book has opened up a way for me to pray when I don't know how to. Not because I don't rely on the Holy Spirit, but because it helps to have the guidance of others who have gone before me.

The upshot of this is that I have ordered the book for myself, and the corresponding Prayers and Promises for Supernatural Childbirth which Jackie produced later!

If, like me, you sometimes just don't know how to pray, because infertility is one of those topics which isn't discussed much in Churches, then I would recommend you have a look at this one. Praying for our Bubba before he or she arrives, covering him or her at every stage of life, from conception to development to their arrival in the world, seems logical to me. I often pray for Bubba, but reading Supernatural Childbirth opened my eyes to praying wider... for a healthy egg and healthy sperm, for development in the womb, against any complications etc... as Jackie says, its better to pray before something has happened than after!

Two Women With Similar Stories, But Different Responses.

Two women with similar stories. Two women with different responses.

In the Bible, there are a few stories of women who have been labelled as "barren". That's how they are introduced to us. There's Sarai (changed to Sarah), wife of Abram (changed to Abraham), who "was barren; she had no child" (Genesis 11:30). Notice how in the one sentence we are informed twice of her label, just in case we missed the point. This obviously makes the miracle of God's provision of Abraham's heir through his wife even more amazing.

But for a while, my focus hasn't been on Sarah, nor on Elizabeth - who bore John the Baptist - both of whom are the names of women people have mentioned to me when they are encouraging me.

I have been studying Rachel and Hannah. Two women from different points in history, who have a similar story, but who respond in very different ways.

Rachel. The wife of Abraham's grandson, Jacob (whose name was changed to Israel after he wrestled with God). Rachel, who was so loved by Jacob that he worked for her father, his uncle, for an agreed period of seven years, but was duped "at the altar" into marrying Rachel's older sister, Leah. He loved Rachel so much, that he agreed to work for a longer period in order to have her as his wife too.

Rachel, the beautiful younger sister, younger wife, "but Rachel was barren" (Genesis 29:31). Not only did she face the monthly struggle to deal with another failed attempt to conceive, but her sister was producing heirs regularly, causing a bitter rivalry between the sisters, and deep envy and resentment within Rachel. One was loved. One could bear children.

In those days, barrenness was the worse "illness" any woman could be dealt in life. If a woman couldn't conceive, that was enough for her husband to divorce her. She was expected to produce an heir for her husband. This is why we see Rachel, as her Grandmother-in-Law before her, in her desperation to bear a child for Jacob, offering her maidservant to her husband as a surrogate for her inability to conceive.

We catch a glimpse of Rachel's desperation in Genesis 30:1 when she cries out to her husband, "Give me children, or else I die!" It's not until you have experienced the struggle to conceive a child do you fully appreciate Rachel's deep cry. Sometimes, when the verse is read out, it is spoken as if in normal conversation, but I imagine Rachel allowing the words to burst from her heart through her mouth in a moment of an impassioned plea, with tears spilling down her cheeks... "Give me children, or else I feel I have nothing else to live for - I have no future, no purpose - I would rather be dead"... her anguished sobs bouncing around the walls of their room as Jacob tries to comfort his wife, and another monthly period begins... "I want to be a mother above everything else, give me children!" Her animal-like wail reverberating throughout history, caressing the heart of every women who understands Rachel's pain and anguish.

It's almost accusatory, her challenge to Jacob. It's almost as if she has allowed herself to believe he is with-holding from her and only giving his seed to her sister. You hear it in her words, "YOU, my husband, give me children too". He becomes angry - which I see as a sign of his helplessness at her situation. He knows her frustration, but knows he cannot replace God in her circumstances. He knows he is helpless against the Creator God  Whom he once wrestled, "Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?" He responds.

Rachel.
A woman loved by her husband in spite of her struggle to bear him a child.
A women who railed against her husband.

Then a few centuries later, we meet Hannah. The wife of a man called Elkanah, who was so loved by him, she would receive double portions of the offerings, "but Hannah had no children" (1 Samuel 1:2).

Hannah, like Rachel, was one of two wives to the same husband. Hannah, like Rachel, was barren. Hannah, like Rachel, was taunted by the other wife. We don't know much about Peninnah except that she had children, and she "provoked [Hannah] severely to make her miserable... year by year, when she went up to the House of the Lord" (1 Samuel 1:6-7).

Hannah was so heartbroken by her own sorrow and distress, coupled with the derision of "her rival" that Hannah was no longer able to eat. She was suffering so much every month, that I believe depression (bitterness of soul - verse 10) literally seized her at the hopeless beginning of another cycle each month, that Hannah couldn't do anything to contain her grief. She couldn't eat. She could only cry - weeping, mourning in deep despair and anguish.

Again, it is not until you are in this situation every single month, where you feel a grief for what you have lost, the chance to conceive - gone... again, the failed attempt to have a baby, the painful waiting process before your period has started again. When you endure this cycle month in, month out, year after year, you realise how each month a woman, like Hannah, grieves at what she has not been able to bear. Each precious egg which falls away, dying with the wasted opportunity of a precious life.

This is where the similarities between Rachel and Hannah end. Hannah, and it may have taken years of  the cycle of torment for her to reach this place, but here we find Hannah turning to God. Crying out to Him. Praying to Him, asking Him to open her womb, to allow her the joy of bearing a child, as she poured out her soul, her anguish, her pain, her sorrow to the Lord.

In these two stories, I can see how important it is for us, as women, to have the freedom to mourn our circumstances. It's OK.

In both of these women's lives, we see how God "opened up their wombs". This shows me that it's OK for us to share our fears and sadness with our husbands, but not to blame them. To seek comfort from them, but not to put them in the place of God. They may not always understand what we are going through, but God does. This is why, I believe, He has introduced us to women like Rachel and Hannah in His Word, the Bible. Because He understands our sorrow. He understands our grief. He understands us.

We are different, but maybe we are in a similar situation in our separate Journey's for our Bubbas. But I hope, like me, you find comfort in knowing that God sees our situation as being so important, He allowed us to find women in His Word who we can identify with. I pray that 2013 will bring a change to the Journey you are on. And I don't say that lightly. Whether it is a change in who we turn to, or a physical change in the joy of finding the journey itself has become what we are hoping for, on;y God knows. But I pray you will know His blessings in your life, as I seek His blessings in my own life.

Shalom in Jesus for 2013!

'Poem' based on Psalm 23

I was recently at a Women's retreat day for Christian Women who wanted to take out from their busy lives and spend it with the Lord. During the day, time was provided to be still before the Lord, to give Him time to minister and speak with us individually. This was something the Lord laid on my heart, which I believe is for the encouragement of others - as well as for me. 

So as you read, I pray you are blessed:

Oh Lord, You are my Shepherd,
You know me.
I'm learning - constantly learning - to recognise Your voice.
I shall not be in want.
You make me to lie down in green pastures
Where I find rest.
You lead me beside the still waters:
You are the River of Life;
As I drink from You,
You restore my soul.
Though I walk through difficult valleys,
Where it seems like death - not life -
is within my body... within my womb,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me.
Ever present - always beside me,
as You lead me beside You;
Beside the River of Living Water,
Your rod and Your staff will comfort me.
You comfort me,
So I may be a comfort to others.
You lead me, so I may encourage others.
You are with me, as You are with others also.
Surely goodness and mercy
Will follow me,
ALL the days of my life.
Surely I do - and shall -
dwell in the presence of my Lord.
Wherever I go - You are with me:
You will never leave me,
You will never forsake me,
You lead me through,
as I remain in You.
And I shall dwell in the House of the Lord.
I shall dwell in the place You are preparing.
When You return to receive Your Bride,
You shall gather me too.
To be with You;
by Your side;
to dwell with You;
to remain with You;
to be in Your presence...
Forever
... and ever
...... and ever

Always with You:
My Lord
My Saviour
My Shepherd

A Word from God For Your Own Journey

If you have read my previous post (if you haven't then you should, or this one won't make much sense!!!), and are in a similar position to me - in that you are trying to conceive, why not consider praying and asking the Lord to speak to you - or to speak to a friend on your behalf - about your desire for a child. If you are going to ask about a friend, it needs to be a genuine friend who is in a relationship with God. Someone who you can trust, who you know won't just tell you what you want to hear, but who will be able to be real with you about what God has said to them. 

I've had "words" spoken over me before, but as I didn't really know the person, or didn't really know where they were coming from in their walk with the Lord, I didn't really accept what they said. For example, someone told me toward the end of last year, that Bubba would be coming sooner than expected. I think the "word" came from their embarrassment at thinking I was pregnant because of the fat on my belly, rather than it being a genuine word from the Lord.

When it comes to prophecies, it is important we are able to test everything against the Word of God. I know my friend has a great relationship with the Lord. I know she has exercised her gift of prophecy in the past, and I know that - like me - she tends to have dreams from God. This is why I know I am able to accept the message she sent to me, and add it to what the Lord spoke to me through Hubby on that same day.

When we open ourselves to the Lord, He is more than willing to demonstrate His love for us and His desire to encourage us. Don't be afraid - let God gently lead you on this journey of faith and hope.

Godly Encouragement

I praise God for the Godly friends I have. Over the weekend, I received 2 pieces of encouraging words from Hubby and from a friend. After the frustrations I had felt with my body, the timing of both were perfect! Especially in light of this week's up-coming appointment!!!

Hubby and I were driving up the M1 and we were talking - or rather I was talking - about my fears for the appointment I have at the "in"fertility clinic. He listened, and then spoke, reminding me of the commitment I have with the Lord to do things His way and not my own! He asked if I had considered whether God had been holding off because of the other areas of my life which are taking off in a huge way - If I was pregnant or had a young baby, would I have been able to step into the opportunities God has recently opened up for me. That's not to say the two can't come together in the future, but right now, as this is all new to me, maybe the Lord is allowing me to step into this new-ness, and to get used to is before Bubba arrives.

What hubby had said had made a lot of sense to me (though I am aware it may not make sense here, because I don't want to give away too many details of my life, in case people are able to work out who I am!!! No point in not giving my name then!!), and he put a fresh insight into the delay.

On the same day, a friend had sent me a random text message. In it she had described a dream the Lord had given to her - and in the dream I had been about 7 months pregnant! A prophetic dream of what is to come!! She told me she believed the Lord wanted me to know He had heard my prayers and will answer them, giving me the desire of my heart - namely to hold Bubba in my arms when he/she is born!

I am so grateful to the Lord for giving me such hope and reassurance over the weekend. He knows how much I needed it!!!  

As my friend ended the text, she challenged me to exercise the faith God had given to me - for faith is the substance of things hoped for... and I hope for Bubba, so maybe I need to do something of substance to demonstrate my faith, in the word God has given to me concerning Bubba...  It may be months, it may be years (although I hope not!) but the Lord has promised Bubba will come. If I want to show how much I believe this, I think I do need to do something. I'm not sure what that would be. Maybe I should purchase something for Bubba's arrival!!

How exciting!!!! :-)