This is National Infertility Awareness Week

So today is the first day in what will become an annual awareness week each October, launched by patient-charity Infertility Network UK to support its Talking about Trying campaign.

It is hoped that by holding the week-long National Infertility Awareness campaign, the issues which affect as many as 1 in 6 people, in their struggle to conceive, more people will begin to understand the illnesses which causes subfertility, providing much needed support for those who are dealing with this in their lives.

As someone who likes to help raise awareness of stuff affecting women, I found it quite telling that when it came to raising the profile of "wear it pink day" for the Breast Cancer campaign, I didn't think twice about clicking "share" or posting inspirational testimonies. But when it comes to fertility problems, I found myself hesitating over the posts appearing in my newsfeed, wanting to share the post, but holding back. 

Even when it came to writing an article about National Infertility Awareness Week for one of the Christian papers, I hesitated before writing the one sentence about my own situation. Then deleted it. Then reinserted it. Then paused before hitting the "submit" button. Why is it so much harder to be open about my own struggle with infertility, but not about my brush with breast cancer (I found a lump in one of my breasts when I was about 25. It turned out to not be cancer, but we decided to remove it anyway).

There's such a stigma associated with being "infertile", even to this day, that to admit I am one of the 1 in 6 people struggling is hard to do. I want to, in order to be a support to any of my other friends who are in a similar situation, but I don't want to be on the receiving end of awkward conversations, or pity. Nor do I want to be avoided because others are not sure how to handle my situation!

My aim, by the end of the week, is to re-post something relating to the Infertility awareness week. To step out from the shadows, and brave the responses of others. Why should I allow the reactions of people to hold me back - and who knows, there might be another Prayer Warrior added to my "Battle for Bubba"!!

Fast Forward Please??!

If only it was possible to hit a 'fast forward' button in life now and again. It would be so much easier to deal with stuff if I could just hit that button and avoid it altogether!!! You know what I mean???
If I could, I'd skip to the part where I'm a real mum and holding my own Bubba!!!

But it seems that God, in His wisdom, hasn't designed life like that... Probably because we'd miss out on so much, like the comfort He gives us, the encouragement He brings or even the lessons He teaches. Not to mention the opportunity He gives us to stand strong in Him when we're at our weakest moment!

It turns out that my body, for this month, has thrown in the towel... At least according to the ovulation tests it has. It was like, "sorry girl but this month the egg ain't even gonna be released - I'm tired of fighting - need time out!"

I don't blame it really, how often I have wondered what happens to those eggs which can't get past the blockage in the Fallopian Tube. It's really sad though, because ovulation is the reason for Auntie Flow and for the hope each month and gives me reason to hang on that in spite of the blockage, it could still happen because that's what ovulating is about.

Oh well... That leaves one more month to TTC before I have to have the op to unblock these tubes of mine. One more chance to conceive without any medical intervention.

The countdown to the laparoscopic thingy is underway! If only I could hit that button now...!

Sexy Snowball Pants for The Hubbys!

I was reading the Daily Mail, and came across and article which basically says that our Hubby's sperm is at it best, it's healthiest, it's strongest... errr.... NOW! (read the article here)

I mean seriously, why have they been holding onto this news, if a man's sperm is at it's best in winter and early spring, why haven't they told us before! Man! It's almost the end of Spring!!! Apparently, Hubby's little swimmers prefer the colder weather than the glorious heat of Summer - picky lot!

I guess that explains the development of these wonder "snowball" pants!! Invented by a man who struggled to conceive with his wife, he did some research and realised that  heat can kill off the little swimmers, who were actually much happier at colder temperatures, which is nigh-on impossible to achieve in the summer - especially in Morrocco where he currently lives. So he decided to help them along a bit!

So ladies, you know what perfect pressie to buy for your Hubby!! These special undies come fitted with a special pocket for a specially created ice-pack which although sound like a great way to keep cool in summer, though I'm not sure I could ever convince Hubby to don a pair! Maybe someone's Hubby will brave the snowball pants!

As the developers say,

Snowballs is an inexpensive, scientifically proven, patent-pending natural fertility solution for men attempting to conceive....We believe in miracles, but don’t count on Snowballs to work “miracles”. They should increase both sperm quality and quantity, and they should give you a better chance to conceive at minimal cost, but fertility science is complex.

Sexy underwear with purpose for our guys!!

Encouraged by Hannah's Story

Over the weekend, I have heard a number of speakers at a Conference I attended and in my local Church, and RANDOMLY - I say randomly because there was no hint they would be bringing it up, it seemed to pop-up from nowhere within their sermons - the story of Hannah was used to exhort the speakers listeners.

As someone who is on the tough journey TTC, Hannah is one of those women in the Bible who is a huge source of inspiration and encouragement to me. In many ways, I am similar to her. In many ways, I am walking a very different path. Our main similarities is of being a Jewish woman struggling to conceive a child naturally. We both have "step-children" though unlike Hannah, Hubby's ex is not on the scene and can in no way torment me with her fruitfulness against my barrenness - probably helped by the fact that I don't know her, having only met her one time, and that she lives 40 miles away from us, not in the same house as me, as Hannah had to contend with!

I also share, with Hannah, the desire to take my requests to God. I might not live in Jerusalem, in the time of the Temple, but as a living Temple of the Lord, I strive to lay at His feet my hopes, my desires, my dreams, the deepest longings of my heart. Unlike Hannah - there is no High Priest watching over me accusing me of being a drunkard. But the Great High Priest Himself - Jesus - He watches over me, and intercedes with me for the child I long to hold. He wraps His arms around me in those moments when it is too much of a burden to bear, and supports me, leaning me against Him as we walk through this Journey for Bubba.

Faith is  funny thing. There are times when I have masses of faith - usually near the start of the cycle, or around the time of ovulation! But there are also times when my faith seems so weak, so small, I'm not even sure if it resembles a mustard seed even. Usually around the time of the the end of the cycle, when another egg silently spills away, the promise of new life fades with the departure of Aunt Flow. In those moments I, like Hannah, cry bitter tears of sorrow and hope lost, wondering what God is doing in this Journey for Bubba. In those moments, when faith is so small it's on the verge of fading away, I cry out to God, "I can't do this on my own, I want to believe - Lord, help my unbelief!"

And you know what - it's OK to do that. Jesus knows how hard this is for me - and maybe for you too. He totally gets it that there are times when we do need Him to help our unbelief for the monthly battle we face for the desire of our heart, the desire to be Mumma to our very own Bubba.

So if you are in that moment when you feel hope fading - don't let the monthly disappointment displace your hope for the future child you long for. Don't let our monthly disappointment overwhelm you to the point of turning your back on God. When faith seems at it's lowest, it is OK to say to God - Lord, I don't have faith at this moment, but I want to have faith in what You can do Lord - Give me faith, help my unbelief. In that small act alone, we are still demonstrating faith to God... that's why faith is a funny thing! And God is faithful. He will not only answer your prayer - He will bring an increase!! That's what He does!!! That's the funny thing about God. He always answers beyond our thoughts or imaginations. I know, because He is doing it for me too.

Encouraged By My Church

I have been really encouraged recently by the support of my local Church. As a speaker at the Women's Conference last year, my talk included the current story of my struggle to conceive. God had challenged me at the time to be open about what I was going through, which was so fresh for me... the week before the conference I'd had to have the HSG xray and the week after I'd had to have another blood test! But when I decided to submit wholeheartedly to the Lord, that means submit (Annoyingly!), even when I'd rather hide away!

As a result, I have found out that there are at least two other women on a similar journey. One for twelve years. One for eight years. One of these ladies has become a fantastic source of strength, encouragement and support for me.

Another outcome of sharing my story is a huge amount of prayer support I have received from the Church. At the beginning of the year we joined together on a period of prayer and fasting; on the list of prayer points was "healing for couples who are struggling to conceive". This was a huge blessing, as there are so many women who are struggling in their silent battle, alone. The Church isn't always great at dealing with some of the issues which may not affect the majority - eg singleness and infertility. The fact that my Church leaders had recognised that the issue is a big one for the women in our Church, is a huge encouragement.

The biggest source of encouragement came recently, when out of the blue, one of the Pastors phoned me to say that a couple of women in the Prayer Team had gone into the Church one morning, having felt a burden to pray for the women in the congregation who were struggling to conceive a baby. Random act of kindness on their part. Reassurance from God that He is working on all our cases.

If you can, pray for women in your own congregation who have to face this issue month-after-month. You may not necessarily know who they are, but God does. Maybe He will find a way to let that woman know she has been covered in prayer - I can promise you it will make her feel less alone on this journey, and encouraged by the silent support you offer her.

Father God, thank You for stirring the spirits of those women to pray for me and the others in our congregation who are TTC. Thank You for seeing into our silent cries and the prayers of our own hearts, and joining other voices to ours. Thank You for prompting others to cover us in prayer - bless them Lord for their faithful obedience to You. I ask that you would stir other women to pray and cover our sisters who are TTC - whether we know the story of their journey or not. In Jesus name I pray.