Fertility Drug Treatment

The prescription arrived in this morning's post. The next stage. The Fertility Drug Treatment. The reality has now become that if I want Bubba, I'm going to have to rely on chemical help because part of the wonderful system God created, for one reason or another, is not working to it's fullest potential. One side of my reproductive system is blocked, so the course of fertility drugs are meant to stimulate ovulation from the good side in order to give me a normal chance of conceiving, instead of the 50% chance I've had so far.

Holding this small box of pills in my hand is weird. It's hope twinged with the sadness that so far, Hubby and I have not been able to succeed naturally. So for the next six months, I have to take these pills. One a day between days 2 and 6 of each cycle - until the miracle of life happens for us.

Reading through the list of side-effects was pretty concerning though. There are more listed than on that sheet of paper I had received from the Consultant in the initial discussion about what my next step should be. From mood swings and allergic reactions. From blurred vision to increased pains as a result of the endometriosis worsening. From the risk of faints or fits, to skin conditions or speech problems. From the risk of multiple conception to more risk of an ectopic pregnancy (I'm already at risk of this because of the blocked Fallopian tube). I know that not every pregnancy is without it's own risk, but what if these pills - the chemicals I am putting into my system in the hope that more eggs are stimulated toward ovulation - what if these chemicals get into the eggs, and have an affect on my Bubba???

All the research I can find on the internet has show that the only affect Clomid  has had on women taking it in the hope of becoming pregnant was the increased risk of a multiple pregnancy - and none of these babies were adversely affected by the drug. There have been studies of women who took Clomid while they were pregnant (not sure why they would need to do that!), and this had a damaging affect on their baby. This means I personally will want to pay even more attention - as if that was possible - to my cycle and what is happening in my body. I don't want to cause any kind of damage to Bubba when he or she arrives, as a result of the fertility drug treatment I am taking.

I remotely "asked" an online doctor, you know like on those websites where you get the picture of a friendly Doctor or Nurse to whom you can send a question?? I asked if Clomid can affect a baby who is conceived as a result of taking Clomid... the Doctor's reply four minutes later was a simple, direct, straight-forward... "no".

Suddenly the enormity of what I am about to embark on hits me, and the longer the course progresses the less the likelihood of conceiving through the fertility drug treatment. That's the ironic thing! It's not a case of the more I take it, the more opportunity I have it will work. It scares me to think that this might not work, and I'd have subjected my body to this for nothing. It's hard enough knowing my body is not working as well as it should, but to know that even chemicals can't help - what a nightmare. I would have to move on to step 3 - surgery - which I really really do not want to do.

In an ideal world, I would have conceived naturally a long time a go, and would be about to pop my first pill, but this is the path the Lord has chosen for me, for whatever reason. As hard as it is to understand, I know that I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that He is with me, because His word promised that He would never leave me. So I commit this next stage to You Lord God - You who is the creator of all life - with or without help. I pray for protection over Bubba if he or she is conceived as a result of this course of Fertility treatment, that His hand will cover and protect the unborn child from harm from the chemicals, I pray against any birth defects or adverse damage which could seep into the egg/s being stimulated, and I pray that Bubba will develop into a healthy baby, and into a healthy child - with NO disorders, NO problems, NO birth defects in Jesus name. I pray Lord, that the chemicals I am about to put into my system would have NO side-effects on me either. I pray that I would not experience anything which is written on that list - no nothing Lord. I pray Your hand of protection over me, and over my relationship with Hubby. In Jesus name.

As the Pharmacist handed over the package containing my box of Clomid to me, she smiled at me and said, "I hope it works for you." This was a touching act from her. She could have ignored it, but she acknowledged what I was receiving and what I was going through. I found that really encouraging. If you, like me are about to embark on the next stage of your own fertility journey, I pray the Lord grants you success, as pray He will grant me success too. His timing is prefect, even when it doesn't seem like it.

Decision About My Next Step: Option 3 - Fertility Drug

My third option, in an attempt to try and have a baby with this blocked Tube, is through a course of Clomifene - a fertility drug. In some weird way, in my head, this feels like the more "natural" option... Because there is no surgery, not injections, no removal of eggs etc, I can almost convince myself that taking the Fertility Drugs is as close to conceiving natural as I could possibly hope.

The tablets are to be taken between days 2-6 of my cycle and increase the production of eggs in my ovaries each month, encouraging more than one egg at a time to be released.

As this is a lot less precise, it is advised, according to the handout I received, to buy one of those ovulation kits, so Hubby and I can ensure we are hitting the right time (I am so glad I have more than one relative who works for Boots!! Love their discount benefit!!). The other thing the consultant advises is for us to have intercourse every other day after each cycle of the Clomifene, for 5-6 days, just to make sure! This can be quite demanding, I would imagine, because regardless of how ill / tired / annoyed / upset etc... either of us are. I'm hoping Hubby will begin to understand the enormity of the situation, but I'm fearful about out times of intimacy becoming a chore. I've heard stories about women who have become mechanical about making sure they have intercourse when they ovulate... I don't want to become like that. 

The hardest thing for me about this, would be regularly taking the tablets - even just for the five days. I'm so rubbish at routine. When Hubby and I first married I went on the contraceptive patch, to avoid the daily routine of taking the pill, because I have forgotten to take them in the past (when I was younger, I was prescribed the pill for the severe cramps I had during my period).

The other thing to take into consideration are the side effects, the biggest one being the increased risk of having a multiple birth; but I think this seems a better risk than the increased risk of an ectopic pregnancy, which faces me with the option 2. I know there are added complications for women who are expecting more than one baby, including higher risk of miscarriage, but the way I see it is that there are risks involved in every decision. 

Other side effects include hot flushes, breast discomfort, skin rashes, tummy bloating (I get that anyway!), nausea, dizziness, and blurred vision - this last one is so severe, I would have to stop the treatment immediately.

There is also a slight risk of developing Ovarian Hyperstimulation Sydrome, where the ovaries are stimulated too much, producing excess fluid which can leak into the body, and accumulate around some of the vital organs around the body. This can only be treated by hospitalisation.

Although not physically demanding, in the same was as the laparascopic surgery would be, there are still demands on the body in the regular checks, blood tests, etc which would need to be carried out. But it is also emotionally demanding, and can be quite discouraging, month-after-month. Unlike previous months, there is the added pressure because of taking Clomifene, there is an increased expectation each month that I will be pregnant. 

When I asked the consultant about the rate of success for the fertility drugs, he wasn't really able to answer, as he said there are too many factors surrounding the condition of the woman and the condition of her her tubes, etc, the age of the woman, the condition and quality of the sperm, and so many other factors, that he was unable to give me a rate of success for using the drug alone, as a fertility treatment. researching online, I can understand why he wasn't able to give me a figure, as the rates offered range between 30% - 60% of women who take Clomifene end up having a baby.  

The other downside is that the Consultant can only give a six month course of Clomifene. If I don't become pregnant after six months, then the treatment stops. 

In some of the stuff I have read, there is no mention of it being used as a successful way to help a woman with blocked tubes to conceive. The problem is not so much that I am not ovulating, the problem is more to do with the egg successfully travelling down my Fallopian Tube each month to meet Hubby's swimmers. I'm not sure how this would work on the "off" month - when the Tube which is blocked is supposed to release the eggs - whether Clomifene stimulates the healthy side each month anyway. Need to check that out.

I did try to speak to my Consultant, to find out if I were to take option 3, whether I can go back to option 2 if the Fertility Drugs don't work, or whether the drugs should be the final step. For myself, I would rater have the surgery as a back-up option, purely because of the physical trauma of surgery, and try taking the Fertility Drugs first. 

So now I have to wait for the Consultant to come back to me after the Christmas break. How he answers my question will determine how I work out what my next step will be. Till then... more waiting!

Decision About My Next Step: Option 2 - Laparoscopic Salpingostomy

So the second option open to me, is known as laparoscopic salpingostomy. It is basically keyhole surgery carried out under general anesthetic  The consultant will make an incision in my bellybutton, allowing him to insert a laparoscope (a thin, tube-like camera), then he will make three other incisions, inflate my abdomen with gas, and proceed to open the left tube, which is blocked, and check on the condition of the right tube - which could have some scarring or growth on it too.

This is obviously pretty invasive, and when I asked my consultant the success rate of it, he told me there are no guarantees that once opened, my tubes won't become re-blocked again. He also went on to say that although it is difficult to say how successful the laparoscopic salpingostomy is, nationwide, it has approximately a 40% success rate - ie live births. The other downside, he said, is that there is a much higher risk of ectopic pregnancies, following this type of fertility treatment.

Now, when it comes to pain, I am the biggest wimp - I won't go paintballing, because the idea of paying to be bruised really makes me shudder! I can see the value in attempting surgery to try to open my blocked tube, but the recovery rate is anything from 2 - 6 weeks, depending on what the surgeon ends up needing to do while inside my abdomen - and on how fit and healthy I am (suppose I should start working on that bit now then!!!).

This would obviously have an impact on work, and as there are certain times of the year when I need to be available, this will impact when I have the surgery (having the Conference Coordinator unavailable for the conferences is a bit pointless!). Some of what I do, I should be able to do from home, when I am able, even if I can't get to the office. 

Hubby wouldn't be able to take much time off, to look after me, so I spoke to my Mum who said she would be willing and able to help me following the surgery, should I decide to go through with it. Apparently, other women who have had the laparoscopic salpingostomy have suffered from a pain in the shoulder from the gas for the first couple of days after the operation. One woman said this can be eased by positioning the body, as the gas rises to the highest it can reach - so when sitting up, locates itself in the shoulder and back, when lying on the left side, the gas locates on the right side, etc... this seems to make sense, and may be a way of helping with this aspect of pain management. 

My problem is the idea of undergoing surgery for something which has no guarantees of working, and puts me more at risk of problems - complications which can arise from any surgical procedure, as well as the increased risk of an ectopic pregnancy. Should I really put myself through an operation and then find that it hasn't made any difference anyway?? But then if I don't go through with it, will I regret it anyway??

I really need to find God's peace in this decision. No one can make this decision for me, unfortunately, and it's not even a decision Hubby and I can jointly make - as he says, it is my body which is going to have to go through the recovery and trauma of the laparoscopic salpingostomy. No, only God can help me make a decision. I've only spoken to two others about it, my Mum, who thinks I should try all options anyway so that I can look back without regrets, and my Sister-In-Law who regularly allows me to sound out on her, without telling me what I should do, and prays for me with the difficult decision I have to make. 

Lord, please help me to chose the right option for me and for the future you have for me. Let me know Your peace Lord and to know which direction to follow.