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Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Fertility Drug Treatment

The prescription arrived in this morning's post. The next stage. The Fertility Drug Treatment. The reality has now become that if I want Bubba, I'm going to have to rely on chemical help because part of the wonderful system God created, for one reason or another, is not working to it's fullest potential. One side of my reproductive system is blocked, so the course of fertility drugs are meant to stimulate ovulation from the good side in order to give me a normal chance of conceiving, instead of the 50% chance I've had so far.

Holding this small box of pills in my hand is weird. It's hope twinged with the sadness that so far, Hubby and I have not been able to succeed naturally. So for the next six months, I have to take these pills. One a day between days 2 and 6 of each cycle - until the miracle of life happens for us.

Reading through the list of side-effects was pretty concerning though. There are more listed than on that sheet of paper I had received from the Consultant in the initial discussion about what my next step should be. From mood swings and allergic reactions. From blurred vision to increased pains as a result of the endometriosis worsening. From the risk of faints or fits, to skin conditions or speech problems. From the risk of multiple conception to more risk of an ectopic pregnancy (I'm already at risk of this because of the blocked Fallopian tube). I know that not every pregnancy is without it's own risk, but what if these pills - the chemicals I am putting into my system in the hope that more eggs are stimulated toward ovulation - what if these chemicals get into the eggs, and have an affect on my Bubba???

All the research I can find on the internet has show that the only affect Clomid  has had on women taking it in the hope of becoming pregnant was the increased risk of a multiple pregnancy - and none of these babies were adversely affected by the drug. There have been studies of women who took Clomid while they were pregnant (not sure why they would need to do that!), and this had a damaging affect on their baby. This means I personally will want to pay even more attention - as if that was possible - to my cycle and what is happening in my body. I don't want to cause any kind of damage to Bubba when he or she arrives, as a result of the fertility drug treatment I am taking.

I remotely "asked" an online doctor, you know like on those websites where you get the picture of a friendly Doctor or Nurse to whom you can send a question?? I asked if Clomid can affect a baby who is conceived as a result of taking Clomid... the Doctor's reply four minutes later was a simple, direct, straight-forward... "no".

Suddenly the enormity of what I am about to embark on hits me, and the longer the course progresses the less the likelihood of conceiving through the fertility drug treatment. That's the ironic thing! It's not a case of the more I take it, the more opportunity I have it will work. It scares me to think that this might not work, and I'd have subjected my body to this for nothing. It's hard enough knowing my body is not working as well as it should, but to know that even chemicals can't help - what a nightmare. I would have to move on to step 3 - surgery - which I really really do not want to do.

In an ideal world, I would have conceived naturally a long time a go, and would be about to pop my first pill, but this is the path the Lord has chosen for me, for whatever reason. As hard as it is to understand, I know that I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that He is with me, because His word promised that He would never leave me. So I commit this next stage to You Lord God - You who is the creator of all life - with or without help. I pray for protection over Bubba if he or she is conceived as a result of this course of Fertility treatment, that His hand will cover and protect the unborn child from harm from the chemicals, I pray against any birth defects or adverse damage which could seep into the egg/s being stimulated, and I pray that Bubba will develop into a healthy baby, and into a healthy child - with NO disorders, NO problems, NO birth defects in Jesus name. I pray Lord, that the chemicals I am about to put into my system would have NO side-effects on me either. I pray that I would not experience anything which is written on that list - no nothing Lord. I pray Your hand of protection over me, and over my relationship with Hubby. In Jesus name.

As the Pharmacist handed over the package containing my box of Clomid to me, she smiled at me and said, "I hope it works for you." This was a touching act from her. She could have ignored it, but she acknowledged what I was receiving and what I was going through. I found that really encouraging. If you, like me are about to embark on the next stage of your own fertility journey, I pray the Lord grants you success, as pray He will grant me success too. His timing is prefect, even when it doesn't seem like it.

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