Clomid Side-Effects... Continued

Even though I had to stop taking Clomid after the third day, due to the severe allergic reaction I'd had, I found that two days later, I was an emotional wreak. Poor Hubby!

I had warned him before starting the course of Clomid, that one of the most common side-effects was mood swings. I think he naively assumed it would by-pass his sane, placid, easy-going wife... but even she got hit by the chemical reaction!!

Oh my days... I was such a Groucho Marx snapping at Hubby, growling at him and generally being incredibly moody, sulky and annoyingly selfish - without actually knowing why or how to stop. But then, the creme de la creme of mood swings came upon me, just as Hubby was romantically leading me upstairs to "put a baby in my belly" as Lily Aldrin said to her Hubby Marshall (How I Met Your Mother - hilarious sitcom). I suddenly and without warning burst into tears! Hand balled into a fist, rubbing my eyes, face blotchy and red as I cried like a toddler!!! Soooo attractive for the moment! Ha!

Looking back, I realise how hilarious this would have appeared to the casual observer!! At the time it was so out of character, it was easy to recognise the source, once I'd stopped crying!

I think Hubby has come off lightly, now I am no longer on the meds!!

An Abrupt End To The Clomid Road

So.. here I am in a "crash and burn" situation. What do you do when something you have been prescribed to help you have a baby and before the end of the first cycle, you hit a wall before you've even had a chance to see if it will work???

I started to take the Clomid on day two of my cycle, let me run down how it went for me:
* So on day one of the Fertility Treatment, there were no side effects - not even any of the frequently reported effects like hot flushes or mood swings.
* On day two, there was a slight tickle in my throat about an hour after taking it. I was having dinner - a home made curry - with my brother's family, so didn't really think much of it at the time.
* On day three now, I was on my own as Hubby was at work, and about an hour after taking the Clomid pill, I had a tightening in my throat, worse than the day before, a tightening in my chest, difficulty in breathing and I was wheezing. I called my Mother as I was a little bit panicky and she calmed me down while I had half a puff on an inhaler to open my airways and reduce the tightening in my chest and stood in the (very cold and rainy) doorway of the conservatory trying to get some fresh air to help me catch my breath. When I finished the call to my Mother, I texted two of my three Fertility Friends (I'd not had the chance to tell the third friend I had started the Fertility Drug treatment yet) and asked them to pray for me urgently.

OK, so this is obviously quite extreme...!

On the helpful information flyer which comes with the box of pills, the first "side effect" it states is "an allergic reaction to the Clomiphene symptoms include: swelling of the throat, difficulty breathing, tightening in the chest" etc... The recommendation for this is to stop taking the medication (too late because that one pill is already in my system and I can't get it out!!), and to speak to a doctor / go to the hospital as soon as possible. Having access to the inhaler helped, so I didn't bother going to the hospital - I would have done had I felt worse or if there was other stuff going on. I'm obviously NOT a doctor, so if you ever have a severe allergic reaction - SEEK MEDICAL ADVICE.

I called the Doctor and he advised me to stop taking the Clomid, and checked if I had any of the other symptoms, such as a rash. Fortunately, I didn't. He suggested I speak to the consultant directly, as he was unfamiliar with alternative Fertility Drugs to Clomid.

So I called the Consultant's office, and spoke with the lady on Reception - she was really lovely and asked if I was OK following the allergic reaction. She immediately booked me in to speak with the Consultant the next time he is in Clinic. So I have an appointment for next week.

It's really weird because I am so "Mrs Average" I never react to anything. So to have reacted to Clomid like this is a new thing for me. What happened to me is one of the things they list "just in case" - it's not one of the usual side affects of Clomid, unlike mood swings and hot flushes!

My concern, now, is two-fold, what affect will the three pills have on my body this cycle, if any?? And what alternative Fertility Drugs are there for me... it seemed as though EVERYONE in the forums and fertility chat rooms are on Clomid... and what affect will these alternatives have on me if I have already had an allergic reaction to the Clomid... do they contain the same ingredients? Do they do the same thing? Will my body have the same reaction?

Another cycle gone, another month passed... another opportunity for Bubba wasted??

My life is in God's hands.

Crisis of Faith!

The night before I was due to start taking the Fertility Treatment, I suddenly had a crisis of faith! I suddenly wondered if by taking this Fertility Drug Course I was somehow demonstrating a lack of faith in God. I mean, what Sarah or Hannah have taken them?? What God have fulfilled the promise He gave Abraham if Sarah had conceived with the help of medical intervention?? What am I saying to God by taking these pills??

I tried to talk to Hubby, but he wasn't really in the right frame of mind for a deep theological discussion at 1am. It is my decision, and he said he will support me, no matter what I decided to do.

Was my desire for a child bigger than my desire to be in God's will. I mean, what if I take them and nothing happens anyway? Have I wasted my time? Have I ingested these pills with their chemicals for no purpose?

As I tried to fall asleep, I listened to the Bible podcast - and the reading for that day was from James. James challenges his readers about faith and correlating works. Without works faith is dead. Am I demonstrating faith then by taking the pills? Is this the Lord's way of letting me know it is OK to take the Fertility Drug Treatment?

Sometimes it would be lovely if God would hold out a massive neon sign with flashing lights to say "This is the way you should go, walk in it"!!! But He doesn't. He allows us to listen to Him, and through the leading of the Holy Spirit to find that place of peace within His will. For me, I had already decided I didn't want to "play God" in my desire for Bubba, I wanted to leave thing in His hands, and all the pills will be doing is stimulating the eggs to develop more frequently so that they can travel out of the healthy tube rather than becoming stuck in the blocked tube. This isn't playing God. It's not like I am removing an egg and choosing a sperm for it to hook up with. I am allowing my body to be manipulated in the hope that God will grant me the desire of my heart.

When I woke up, I resolved to ask my colleague - she is one of the women God has placed around me to support me in my Journey for Bubba. Her response to me was:

I think God uses all sorts of things to answer our prayers – when the fertility drugs work, you won’t ring the drug company to thank them, will you! you’ll thank God (as will I!). God is the only One Who can create a baby – and sometimes He uses man’s scientific ability to do it.

So, when I arrived home from work, I opened the packaging and removed the first beige-coloured pill which may or may not enable me to release more eggs from the ovary. Whether it becomes fertilized or not, is still in the hands of the Lord - it is Him I continue to place my trust in. God won't be manipulated, even if my body can be! And if I don't conceive as a result of this course of Clomid, well I know that God is more than able to grant me Bubba when the time is right according to His plan for me and Hubby.

Decision About My Next Step: Option 3 - Fertility Drug

My third option, in an attempt to try and have a baby with this blocked Tube, is through a course of Clomifene - a fertility drug. In some weird way, in my head, this feels like the more "natural" option... Because there is no surgery, not injections, no removal of eggs etc, I can almost convince myself that taking the Fertility Drugs is as close to conceiving natural as I could possibly hope.

The tablets are to be taken between days 2-6 of my cycle and increase the production of eggs in my ovaries each month, encouraging more than one egg at a time to be released.

As this is a lot less precise, it is advised, according to the handout I received, to buy one of those ovulation kits, so Hubby and I can ensure we are hitting the right time (I am so glad I have more than one relative who works for Boots!! Love their discount benefit!!). The other thing the consultant advises is for us to have intercourse every other day after each cycle of the Clomifene, for 5-6 days, just to make sure! This can be quite demanding, I would imagine, because regardless of how ill / tired / annoyed / upset etc... either of us are. I'm hoping Hubby will begin to understand the enormity of the situation, but I'm fearful about out times of intimacy becoming a chore. I've heard stories about women who have become mechanical about making sure they have intercourse when they ovulate... I don't want to become like that. 

The hardest thing for me about this, would be regularly taking the tablets - even just for the five days. I'm so rubbish at routine. When Hubby and I first married I went on the contraceptive patch, to avoid the daily routine of taking the pill, because I have forgotten to take them in the past (when I was younger, I was prescribed the pill for the severe cramps I had during my period).

The other thing to take into consideration are the side effects, the biggest one being the increased risk of having a multiple birth; but I think this seems a better risk than the increased risk of an ectopic pregnancy, which faces me with the option 2. I know there are added complications for women who are expecting more than one baby, including higher risk of miscarriage, but the way I see it is that there are risks involved in every decision. 

Other side effects include hot flushes, breast discomfort, skin rashes, tummy bloating (I get that anyway!), nausea, dizziness, and blurred vision - this last one is so severe, I would have to stop the treatment immediately.

There is also a slight risk of developing Ovarian Hyperstimulation Sydrome, where the ovaries are stimulated too much, producing excess fluid which can leak into the body, and accumulate around some of the vital organs around the body. This can only be treated by hospitalisation.

Although not physically demanding, in the same was as the laparascopic surgery would be, there are still demands on the body in the regular checks, blood tests, etc which would need to be carried out. But it is also emotionally demanding, and can be quite discouraging, month-after-month. Unlike previous months, there is the added pressure because of taking Clomifene, there is an increased expectation each month that I will be pregnant. 

When I asked the consultant about the rate of success for the fertility drugs, he wasn't really able to answer, as he said there are too many factors surrounding the condition of the woman and the condition of her her tubes, etc, the age of the woman, the condition and quality of the sperm, and so many other factors, that he was unable to give me a rate of success for using the drug alone, as a fertility treatment. researching online, I can understand why he wasn't able to give me a figure, as the rates offered range between 30% - 60% of women who take Clomifene end up having a baby.  

The other downside is that the Consultant can only give a six month course of Clomifene. If I don't become pregnant after six months, then the treatment stops. 

In some of the stuff I have read, there is no mention of it being used as a successful way to help a woman with blocked tubes to conceive. The problem is not so much that I am not ovulating, the problem is more to do with the egg successfully travelling down my Fallopian Tube each month to meet Hubby's swimmers. I'm not sure how this would work on the "off" month - when the Tube which is blocked is supposed to release the eggs - whether Clomifene stimulates the healthy side each month anyway. Need to check that out.

I did try to speak to my Consultant, to find out if I were to take option 3, whether I can go back to option 2 if the Fertility Drugs don't work, or whether the drugs should be the final step. For myself, I would rater have the surgery as a back-up option, purely because of the physical trauma of surgery, and try taking the Fertility Drugs first. 

So now I have to wait for the Consultant to come back to me after the Christmas break. How he answers my question will determine how I work out what my next step will be. Till then... more waiting!