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Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014


I want a baby!

Hubby is currently away, spending time with his son, and it's giving me time to think and wonder what it would be like to spend time with my own child. It doesn't help when Hubby handed the phone to my Step-Son who thought it was his mum and so called me "mum". 

What would it be really like to be called "mum", like for real? 
By my own child? 
To actually belong to someone in that way???

There's only so long I can stay strong for, before the hurt begins to overwhelm me... and today is one of those days. A day of unmet longings. A day of wondering. A day of sadness. A day of heaviness. A day of recognising the loneliness, rather than trying to run from it, or hide from it. 

To admit - I want a baby.

And though it has been thrown at me, "You're too desperate" is that such a bad thing??
I am desperate.

Desperate to have a child of my own.
Desperate to be a mum.

God is our strength, and draws closest to us when we feel furthest away from His embrace. 

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