Last weekend, with Christmas just around the corner, I suggested to Hubby that we take his son into London to experience the lights and sounds of Christmas in our capital.... and what better way for him to experience his first ever trip to London.
So, after a later than anticipated start, we made the three hour car journey south and took Hubby's son on his first ever underground tube ride. He was fascinated when we went underground, and was literally trying to take everything in, but also a little anxious with the newness of the adventure.
Now there is no denying who My gorgeous stepson belongs to. He is definitely his father's son, and as we experienced the day trip in London with him, there were many things I wanted to linger over, like the Harrods Christmas window displays, which neither Hubby nor his son were interested in. And there were many things they were easily excited by, which I'd have happily done without, like eating in McDonalds, and looking at snow globes! Of course, I completely understood why they would want to get to Hamleys toy shop as soon as they could!
I really tried to get into the Christmas mood, playing Christmas songs on the way down (which neither males wanted to join in with), and stopping for eggnog coffee (which both Hubby and I have become addicted to!), but as always, at this time of the year, little things start to creep in to remind you that although Christmas is a time for children and family, there was a huge aspect of this missing in my life.
Actually, it was while I was studying the miniature displays Harrods had created, and observing parents with their children, lifting them up to view the displays, while pointing different aspects out to them, that it hit me hardest. Especially as Hubby and Gorgeous Stepson had, by now, become bored and were sitting out of the way on some railings to wait for me. For a split-second, I imagined lifting my own child to look at the miniature mice in various Christmas poses, and both of us exclaiming in total awe and admiration, "Oh wow! Look at that!"
Children are miniature versions of their parents, and I can't help but wonder whether my own Bubba will reflect any of the excitement, joy and wonder I usually (or used to) feel around Christmas? In the past, I have loved it when my parents used to get me and my brothers a bag of chips and we would drive or walk around looking at the different light displays in town high streets, in the front gardens and walls of private home, as well as a special trip to London Town! Hubby and his son are both underwhelmed by this aspect of Christmas tradition, as much as I was enamoured by it all.
I know Christmas is about more than that - it's actually about Jesus and the act of love He demonstrated when He gave up His throne in heaven and became like one of us.
But looking at it from an infertile perspective it's about what I haven't had yet.... A pregnancy. A birth. A baby.
Father God, I pray that You would help me, and anyone like me, to focus on the love you demonstrated in such a powerful way. This is what should be important to me. Even though it's a bit of a struggle. Even though I am still childless another Christmas. Even though I don't have the opportunity to create family traditions, or carry on family traditions, or create family memories. Even though it will be just the two of us on Christmas Day, please Lord, help me to enjoy the day... with You as well as with Hubby. I pray You would ease the tension and pressure many childless couples feel at this time, especially those who know you. May this actually be a time of true Shalom during our own Journey for Bubba. And Lord, may You grant some of us the gift we so desperately desire - so that next Christmas, we might enjoy a different kind of day altogether.
- Bubba's Hopeful Mumma
- Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.