I love reading women's magazines or the women's section of the paper... especially those "real life" stories by women like me, who experience the same stuff that I experience. It's always a blessing to know we are not alone in our experiences. You know what I mean???
But I had to laugh the other morning at a brilliant piece in the Daily Mail's Femail section. I was at work, browsing the online paper during my morning coffee and Jaffa Cake break, looking at the range of "women-related" articles on offer. One heading really caught my attention - "Think you are ready to have children? Hilarious new parent test taking mummy blogs by storm MIGHT just put you off..."
As Hubby and I are TTC, I thought I would have a quick read. But as I read through the various tests advised for women considering motherhood, it was all I could do to keep the coffee, delectably mixed with chocolate, sponge and orange jelly, from bursting out of my mouth and onto the screen in front of me, especially with colleagues present. It is hilarious... let me feed you some of the suggestions offered, via Bianca London, from mums on what you can expect from a child.
There are 14 sections with a varying number of test recommended for you to try. These are: Preparation (2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office), Knowledge, Nights (1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. 2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep. 3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am. 4. Set the alarm for 3am.), Dressing Small Children, Cars, Going for a Walk (this was a particular hilarious "test" as I have experienced this with my nephews, numerous times, when they were small!!!), Conversations With Children (Repeat everything you say at least 5 times - my step son still does this at seven!), Grocery Shopping (the test involves the purchase of goats - if you know a farmer, you may prefer to borrow one - or a few - for a weekend!), Feeding a one year old (complete with airplane noises - why do we do that... and why does it work???), TV, Mess (eg 5. Drag randomly items from one room to another room and leave them there), Long trips with toddlers (are we nearly there yet???? My step-son has mastered this to such a fine art he can ask if we are half-way or nearly half way, and then when we are past half way, he starts asking if we are nearly there! Genius!!), Conversations and the final test, Getting Ready for Work (including the tips: 3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it, 4. Stir, 5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt).
So am I really ready for all this???
Maybe, when Bubba comes along, I can "train" him or her to behave differently from some of these other parent's children??? Ha! A child is a child - complete with his or her own thoughts, behaviours and ways of pushing the boundaries! No amount of preparation can really make you ready for the reality!!!
Anyway, if the comments accompanying the article are to be believed, it's not all this bad, and who knows - maybe one day, in the future, I can add some hilarious anecdotes of my own for other women who are considering motherhood or TTC!!
- Bubba's Hopeful Mumma
- Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.