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Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Dealing With Disappointment

There's no easy way to deal with disappointment, regardless of whether it's related to TTC or another area of life. Disappointment has caused many a great man or woman to the end of life. But for a woman who is so in tune with her body, she knows the ins and outs of her cycle because of the journey of fertility she has been placed on, disappointment has the opportunity to rear its ugly head regularly.

It's all well and good trying to tell a woman who is TTC not to 'get her hopes up each month' when she is ever watchful of every change in her cycle. Most of us, after the initial excitement at the start of our journey for a baby learn after a few failed attempts to control the hope which fades with each month that passes. But the anticipation which comes from the late arrival of aunt flow, no matter how hard she tries not to get her hopes up, with each day, fear begins to slowly merge into hope.

A woman who is TTC knows her cycle intimately. One or two days late... Ahh that's normal. Three days late... Well that was the longest late start since we started. Four days... This is new territory. Five days... Could this be. When something goes beyond a woman's 'normal' she can't help but wonder what it means. Can't help but wonder if maybe this is the time. She may not verbalize it, but hope grows inside her.

So when that hope is broken, with the arrival of aunt flow, her heart is broken with it and another hard lesson is to be learnt if she is going to survive the next time.

I have three wonderful women in my life who share this journey with me, walking with me hand-in-hand through every twist, every drop in terrain. They are a shoulder to cry on. An ear to listen. A word of encouragement when confusion, frustration, fear or anguish attempts to set in. But most of all, they're my prayer support. Upholding me each time I grieve, praying in hope that one day my womb will no longer be empty. Without these wonderful women of God by my side, this difficult journey would be so much harder. Hubby is fantastic, but there's only so much he understands. These women are mothers with their own stories, who understand me and the path I'm on in a way Hubby can't.

My way of dealing with disappointment starts with one or all of these three women upholding me; in the middle somewhere is chocolate, wine and a good cry; and it ends with God. He knows what it is to want to be a Father, He calls out to His creation every day, longing for us to enter into the relationship we're designed to be in with Him, like a child adopted by the best patent he or she could ever wish for. It ends with God because only He can really comfort and heal the deep brokenness of my empty womb, my heart which yearns for motherhood. Only God knows what it takes each time to build me up again and make me stronger.

Dealing with disappointment is a fact of life. I pray you find a way which works for you, no matter what your journey looks like.

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