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Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Insensitive Opinions Rant

One of the things which I keep hearing being said more and more frequently recently, is really rather annoying, and incredibly insensitive. 

There seems to be this "thing" going round Christian circles at the moment, which states that Christians who struggle to have their own children, should just adopt, because there are so many children out there who have been orphaned or neglected, and it would be the perfect way for couples who can't have a child to feel the reward of being a parent.

Needlesstosay that most of the people who have said this (either to me directly, or within earshot) are parents. I.e. they have their child and so cannot possibly add to their family by taking in an orphaned child, but the "perfect" cure to the problem is for couples who can't have children to "step up to the Christian duty". 

Oh really!

Because you parents are obviously aware that it is so easy to deal with the pain of not being able to have a child, by looking after someone else's child! Of course! Silly me!

Oh, and thank you for adding to the guilt that women like me, who are desperately TTC but can't, already feel when we cannot give our husbands the blessing of a child. Our own child. Conceived in love. Conceived between the two of us. So I now have to contend with the guilt of being a "bad Christian" because I haven't reached the place where I am fully ready to let go of my dream to hold my own baby in my arms, and bring into my life, or my home, a child who has been given up for adoption, for one reason or another. 


Is this now my fault as well!

Adoption is not solely the responsibility of the Christian couple who cannot conceive. In my humble opinion, adoption shouldn't be used as a "cure" for the pain a woman feels at not being able to have her own baby. A child is a precious gift from God, not a tool for us to use for whatever reason. 

In my humble opinion, adoption should be considered as and when any couple is ready to discuss or consider the potential of welcoming a child into your family. On its own merits. Not as one of the "tried and tested" methods ("get a dog / a cat / adopt or foster a child and you'll be so relaxed you'll conceive in no time"... yes, people do say that kind of thing!!!) of how other couples who couldn't have a baby, ended up having a baby!

For where I am at, in my Journey for Bubba, the idea of adoption isn't one I am yet ready to thin about. It hurts too much to think I won't have my own child. That doesn't make me a bad Christian, or a selfish Christian, or an unworthy Christian, It makes me human, and one who is walking day-by-day in the arms of my Heavenly Saviour Who has promised He won't let go of me, no matter how tough it gets. He doesn't condemn me... so why should anyone else's opinion attempt to condemn me. 

Rant over!

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