Insensitive Opinions Rant

One of the things which I keep hearing being said more and more frequently recently, is really rather annoying, and incredibly insensitive. 

There seems to be this "thing" going round Christian circles at the moment, which states that Christians who struggle to have their own children, should just adopt, because there are so many children out there who have been orphaned or neglected, and it would be the perfect way for couples who can't have a child to feel the reward of being a parent.

Needlesstosay that most of the people who have said this (either to me directly, or within earshot) are parents. I.e. they have their child and so cannot possibly add to their family by taking in an orphaned child, but the "perfect" cure to the problem is for couples who can't have children to "step up to the Christian duty". 

Oh really!

Because you parents are obviously aware that it is so easy to deal with the pain of not being able to have a child, by looking after someone else's child! Of course! Silly me!

Oh, and thank you for adding to the guilt that women like me, who are desperately TTC but can't, already feel when we cannot give our husbands the blessing of a child. Our own child. Conceived in love. Conceived between the two of us. So I now have to contend with the guilt of being a "bad Christian" because I haven't reached the place where I am fully ready to let go of my dream to hold my own baby in my arms, and bring into my life, or my home, a child who has been given up for adoption, for one reason or another. 

Seriously??

Is this now my fault as well!

Adoption is not solely the responsibility of the Christian couple who cannot conceive. In my humble opinion, adoption shouldn't be used as a "cure" for the pain a woman feels at not being able to have her own baby. A child is a precious gift from God, not a tool for us to use for whatever reason. 

In my humble opinion, adoption should be considered as and when any couple is ready to discuss or consider the potential of welcoming a child into your family. On its own merits. Not as one of the "tried and tested" methods ("get a dog / a cat / adopt or foster a child and you'll be so relaxed you'll conceive in no time"... yes, people do say that kind of thing!!!) of how other couples who couldn't have a baby, ended up having a baby!

For where I am at, in my Journey for Bubba, the idea of adoption isn't one I am yet ready to thin about. It hurts too much to think I won't have my own child. That doesn't make me a bad Christian, or a selfish Christian, or an unworthy Christian, It makes me human, and one who is walking day-by-day in the arms of my Heavenly Saviour Who has promised He won't let go of me, no matter how tough it gets. He doesn't condemn me... so why should anyone else's opinion attempt to condemn me. 

Rant over!

Hubby's Question

We were driving home after dropping my Gorgeous Stepson at home and Hubby repeated a question he'd asked me after my last bout of tears.

"Would you consider adoption as an option if things don't work out?"

He didn't mean anything by it other than gauging where I'm at. The first time, I'd managed to ignore his question and bury my head in the sand because I really wasn't ready to vocalise my thoughts. But in a car.... There's no sand!

I was honest with him and shared the thoughts I'd already had charging around my mind. "I'm not sure I'm at that right place to be honest. What if we do adopt and then they turn around and yell at me, 'you're not my mum'? What if I can't bond with the child because there's not that natural bond between us? What if the child is so different from you and me they don't like us and leave us as soon as they can? I'm not sure I could handle anything like that. And adopting a child isn't the same as us having our own."

I know there are couples who do adopt and I know there are so many orphans desperate to be adopted, but for me the desire to be Bubba's Mamma is not so much about having a baby to raise, its about Hubby and I becoming parents of our own child. Not to have a designer 'pick your own child', but to be blessed by God in our marriage.

Maybe this is too simplistic a view. But this is the reality of where I'm at right now. Hubby asked, "so that option is off the table then?" and I told him things may change in the future, so it's not a permanent removal. Who knows what direction the Lord will take us on on this Journey for Bubba.

Father God I pray for all the orphans who have been adopted by parents who struggled to conceive. Lord I pray You would bless their relationships and cause the love to flow between patent r and child. Give Your wisdom to them Lord. I pray also for those orphans who are waiting to be adopted - be a Father to them, wrap them in Your love, protect them and lead them on the path You created them to walk upon. In Jesus name I pray.