Talking About Fertility on Premier Radio

In the week leading up to the National Infertility Awareness Week, Maria Rodrigues-Toth interviewed Rosemary Morgan, author of the book, "Living With Infertility: A Christian Perspective" about her journey with infertility, on her Woman to Woman show (Premier Christian Radio).

Within the interview, Rosemary is honest about her relationship with God, and her anger toward Him, feeling that He was doing something terrible toward her, in withholding a baby from her. What she found though, was that God was feeling the pain she was - His arms aching for His children, just as her own arms ached to hold her own baby. She also speaks of the challenges to her womanhood, and the disappointment she felt each month having to tell her Hubby they were not pregnant, not to mention the things people say!

I have since ordered the book, on the back of hearing the interview, which I will review. In the meantime, click here to listen to Maria's interview with Rosemary on Premier Christian Radio's Woman to Woman show.

This is National Infertility Awareness Week

So today is the first day in what will become an annual awareness week each October, launched by patient-charity Infertility Network UK to support its Talking about Trying campaign.

It is hoped that by holding the week-long National Infertility Awareness campaign, the issues which affect as many as 1 in 6 people, in their struggle to conceive, more people will begin to understand the illnesses which causes subfertility, providing much needed support for those who are dealing with this in their lives.

As someone who likes to help raise awareness of stuff affecting women, I found it quite telling that when it came to raising the profile of "wear it pink day" for the Breast Cancer campaign, I didn't think twice about clicking "share" or posting inspirational testimonies. But when it comes to fertility problems, I found myself hesitating over the posts appearing in my newsfeed, wanting to share the post, but holding back. 

Even when it came to writing an article about National Infertility Awareness Week for one of the Christian papers, I hesitated before writing the one sentence about my own situation. Then deleted it. Then reinserted it. Then paused before hitting the "submit" button. Why is it so much harder to be open about my own struggle with infertility, but not about my brush with breast cancer (I found a lump in one of my breasts when I was about 25. It turned out to not be cancer, but we decided to remove it anyway).

There's such a stigma associated with being "infertile", even to this day, that to admit I am one of the 1 in 6 people struggling is hard to do. I want to, in order to be a support to any of my other friends who are in a similar situation, but I don't want to be on the receiving end of awkward conversations, or pity. Nor do I want to be avoided because others are not sure how to handle my situation!

My aim, by the end of the week, is to re-post something relating to the Infertility awareness week. To step out from the shadows, and brave the responses of others. Why should I allow the reactions of people to hold me back - and who knows, there might be another Prayer Warrior added to my "Battle for Bubba"!!

Story Read in Daily Mail - Removing the Yeast

Following my last blog post about trying to maintain a pH balance in our bodies (read here), I was reading the Daily Mail a few weeks ago, and found a story which was really encouraging.

The story that featured that day, was of a couple who had been trying for a baby for about 5 years and had tried various things, including fertility drugs. In the course of investigations, the woman, Mrs Cummings, was diagnosed with PCOS. 

They were about to embark on IVF treatment, when Mrs Cummings decided to visit a nutritionist, so she could prepare her body through a healthier lifestyle.

The nutritionist advised that she cut out yeast from her diet, one of the side effects of yeast was menstrual problems, which had led to her not having a period for about 6 months. Obviously, not having a period in itself prevents pregnancy, on top of the PCOS issues!

So Mrs Cummings stopped eating potatoes, bread, toast, and eating mainly fresh fruit and vegetables. Not long after she had made these changes, Mrs Cummings had her first period in six months The next month, she was pregnant!

In her interview, Mrs Cummings says, "I didn’t really go to  the centre to get pregnant, just to stand me in good stead for IVF but thankfully we didn’t have to go down that route. It just shows what years of abuse – drinking too much and eating the wrong things – can do to your body."

I may have been sceptical, initially, about the impact certain types of food have on my fertility and in my Journey for Bubba, but if a fresher diet has helped another woman, maybe... just maybe... it will help me! I'm even considering removing yeast from my diet too... but I LOVE Marmite, and have just opened a jar with gold in it!! Can I make this extra sacrifice... bacon butties and marmite gold on toast??? I think in the case of wanting Bubba, I actually can!

Click here to read the full Daily Mail article.

The Fertility Show, London

If you are in London, or can get to London, next weekend, this may be worth attending

To find out more about The Fertility Show, follow this link to visit their website.

Take Back What Was Stolen

I was reminiscing with my little brother about a song we used to love to sing and shout and dance around to... usually when we were in the car... much to the amusement of other drivers!

The song formed part of a medley of songs, titled, "Enemy's Camp / Look What the Lord Has Done!" (listen here) and we used to turn up loud and proclaim the words for our own lives. 

As I was listening to it tonight, I suddenly had a sense of God's voice saying that someone needed to proclaim this over their situation, relating to your journey through fertility:

The difficulties you face may have been caused by a sexually transmitted disease, as a result of life choices you have made... this is NOT God's punishment, take back what the enemy has stolen from you. It may be caused by a hereditary illness passed on from the generations before, this is NOT God's plan, take back what the enemy has stolen from you. It may be caused by a build up of toxins in your body, like Endometriosis or PCOS, God is your healing, take back what the enemy has stolen.

Whatever the reason for our battle to conceive, the enemy is trying to steal your hope, your peace, your joy, your sense of excitement for life - do not let him, take back what he has stolen. God gave them to YOU. They are freely available for you through Yeshua. Don't let the enemy steal what God has placed in your life - take back what he has stolen, proclaim the truth,  stomp around if you have to, and celebrate that one day, you WILL testify "Look What the Lord Has Done"!!!!

Like a Slap in the Face

Don't you just hate it, when you're just doing life, minding your own business, when suddenly the grief of the struggle to conceive slaps you in the face... usually at the most awkward moments... or is it just me!

Hubby and I had taken my Stepson out for the day over the weekend. We thought it would be fun to visit a local farm attraction, and it was! We had so much fun together. But literally about an hour after lunch, I suddenly had this huge overwhelming desire to burst into tears. As I looked around me I was literally surrounded by families with babies and toddlers - some of the kids resembling so strongly their mum or dad. I looked at Hubby and his boy, and there is absolutely no denying they are father and son.

I wondered what my own Bubba would be like, whether he or she would resemble me physically or in character. I then wondered how much fun my Bubba would have and how I would be able to talk to my Bubba about the animals, and of how God created them. We could have petted them together, fed them together and done the things I saw mum's doing with their precious little ones. And what Hubby was doing with his son. I could have shared in a more intimate way, the excitement of my Bubba as a lovebird landed on his or her hand, the exuberance of whizzing down the bumpy slide, the joy at watching the meerkats playing together, the laughter as he or she tried to stroke one of the pesky chickens... as a step parent, I really felt outside the "family bond" which I was supposed to be a part of.

The impact of this came up so suddenly, without warning, without me actively thinking along those lines, and the accompanying grief was immense. Unexpected in the middle of a brilliant day trip. It was all I could do to hold back the tears, right there in the middle of muddy puddles, in my wellies, surrounded by all these families on the farm.

Hubby was brilliant. He sensed almost as soon as I was aware of my emotional state, what was happening within me. He didn't tell me to "pull myself together" or to "just enjoy the day for what it is" or to "forget about our struggles", he understood that this was suddenly a lot harder than it should have been as a day out together. He held me. He comforted me. He was there for me. He understood.

On the drive home, when Hubby and his son were asleep in the car (both in exactly the same position, head back, mouth open), I finally afforded myself the luxury of the tears which had built up so suddenly. They flowed like streams of grief down my cheeks, my heart ached with the emptiness of my empty arms, my broken body, my unfulfilled womb. The grief allowed to leave my heart, leave my soul and come out into the open. Sometimes, we need to allow ourselves to let it go.

This Journey for Bubba is hard work, and pretending otherwise is to deny the depths of the longing for our own child. Trusting God will work in my impossible situation doesn't mean there won' be times it hurts. Faith is believing God can and will work in this Journey, and until He does, I will work through the days like this when my mind gives me an unexpected slap in the face.

The Essence of Herbs Continued

So I have been following this special diet prescribed by the Herbalist for a couple of months now. I know it takes around three months for nutrients and stuff to travel through the body to the developing egg, so I have no idea what impact this is having on my eggs... nor will I ever have any real idea of whether the anti-inflammatory purpose of this diet is actually reducing the inflammation in my Fallopian Tubes. Somehow, I'm not sure the NHS would fund a "I want to see if it's working" scan for me!

What I have noticed though, is that the two periods I have had since starting this have not been as bad as they were before... I mean, the pain is not as intense, the clots have been non-existent and the flow has not been as heavy! For me, this is a positive sign, and for these benefits alone, I can see the purpose in what I am doing, even if I have to avoid the bacon butties Hubby loves to make, or cook another veggie soup, or down that grass juice (bleugh!!) and even though I won't know if my Tubes are clearing. It's just been nice having a "normal" period!!