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Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.

Monday, January 30, 2012

The Ugly Red Stain...

When you are late starting a period... no matter how hard you try, you cannot help but begin to hope that maybe... JUST maybe...

Only to have your hopes dashed, by an ugly red stain. "Out dam'd spot..." I know it has nothing to do with what is happening, as I haven't murdered anyone, but the red spot is accursed each time it appears, and signals the death of another opportunity... another egg which has died. The ugly red stain of hope deferred.

And so another day, beginning with the hint of the possibility, becomes a day when a plastic smile is plastered onto the mask I often choose to wear when I need to hide how I am really feeling from the rest of the world.

Trying to conceive, for me at least, is a private journey, a personal one which I have to walk alone. My husband is as supportive as he can be, but as a woman, this one is mine. He wants to understand, but can't always - especially if I am being "too emotional" about it. Women and men truly are from different planets!! Ahh this lonely road I travel... I don't know how I could ever do it fully alone. For every step I travel, God is with me to strengthen and uphold me. Those times when the tears have spilled over from my eyes, everyone has been so special to Him, He has collected them in bottles reserved for the tough days of this walk. He has comforted me in His arms of love and given me a peace which surpasses my understanding.

How I pray for the women who are not yet in a relationship and so desperately want a child of their own. Or the woman who's husband is away for days, even months at a time.. how difficult her path must be... Father draw her unto You and be her strength in her hour of need, as You have been for me in mine.

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