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Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Who's the Christmas Turkey!

I've never really thought I was overweight, not really. I know that in the stuff I've read about trying to conceive they do tell you to be aware of what you're eating, to cut out the crap and to reduce weight if you are slightly over. I knew I could do with losing a few pounds, but I didn't really try too hard.

I should have realised as winter nights drew in, and winter food became more attractive. Ohhh how lovely to walk home and smell the aroma of a beef stew which has been cooking all day... mmmm!!!! I work in an office which is about half an hour's drive from where I work. The office is in the grounds of a beautiful manor house, in the middle of nowhere, so there isn't much to do in our lunch break except to walk through to the kitchen, sit, eat and chat. Then at the end of the day I would go home, make dinner, sit, eat and watch tele.

Very sedentary.

Very bad for the woman who is trying to conceive.

I gradually recognised clothes were feeling a lot tighter than normal, zips more difficult to close, t-shirts and jumpers appeared shorter around the waist.

But I really knew on Christmas day!

I had bought a lovely new dress, teal, shiny, A-line... I thought it hid my newly winter-gained lumps and bumps quite well. I topped it off with a glittery silver bolero and shoes... Looking good gorgeous!

We went to visit Hubby's family, on Christmas morning, and met relatives of the family who I'd never met before. One of the relatives, just as she was about to leave, came over to me and gushed "CONGRATULATIONS... Good luck with everything." Slightly bemused I looked over at Hubby who shrugged his shoulders, and looked back at her. She looked down at my belly. "When is it due?"

The full horror of the situation hit me deep in the belly. She thought I was pregnant. I had put on so much weight, my belly had grown and was cruelly imitating a pregnant belly... without the joy of the baby inside. I was sooo embarrassed.

"Oh, there's nothing there.. not yet anyway. We're trying"

Now she was soooo embarrassed, "sorry" she muttered before a sharp exit.


If this had occurred a week later, I probably would have broken down in tears. The pain of another month passing without the success of a positive pregnancy attempt. As it was, I held my head up and promptly ate a much smaller Christmas dinner than normal.

This isn't the first time I have had random strangers come up to me and ask about the non-existent baby. At a conference last year a sweet old lady came and patted me on my belly asking when I was due. It was shameful back then, but now Hubby and I are trying to conceive... there is an extra pressure. If I look pregnant, without being pregnant, how am I supposed to deal with these RANDOM acts of "kindness"????

The first thing I did once we got home from the Christmas break was... invest in a small exercise machine, followed swiftly by joining a Rosemary Conley weight-loss programme! The combination of weight-loss and exercise will, in theory, reduce my belly and limit the number of random exclamations of "Ohhh!!! Wow!!! When is the baby due???" Until there really is a baby to be due!

So far, I've lost almost half a stone!!! :-)