Testimony of Infertility by Sheridan Voysey

On my day off work, I was sitting in my  "second office" and decided to listen to a podcats someone had sent me a link to. It was the incredible testimony of Sheridan Voysey, who spoke at the Christian Resources Exhibition in 2013. His title was, "Committed to Succeed" and he used his own personal account of "Expectation. Disappointment. Expectation. Disappointment. Expectation. Disappointment." to demonstrate what it is to be committed to God's plan for your life.

I'm not going to try and condense what he says into my own version of his talk, I would recommend you have a listen for yourself, because God may give you something different to focus on. Click here for the link on the CRE podcast site. But here are a couple of things Sheridan says which really struck me:

"If life carries on as normal, I don't think I can handle it... something has to change. [Sheridan's wife] Merryn had had one dream for her life, to become a mother, and after 10 years of going through a broken dream, that dream was over."

I have also wondered how I can cope with life, if nothing was to ever change. How can I reassess where my life is going, if I never become a mum?

"Who are you if you don't become a mum? If you take away all those secondary identities, when all the dreams are gone... who are you?" What's left is you are a child of God... when you go through the wilderness, you discover who you really are."

I am learning this. When God literally strips away your whole support network, so you have no choice but to trust Him, rely on Him, and lean on Him. This is not an easy place to be - but it's made a LITTLE BIT easier when I realise I am not the only one God is challenging in this way.

Infertility And Depression

Why on earth am I struggling to contain my tears whilst sitting in Starbucks, enjoying one of ther "Festive Favourites"??? Oh yeah... it's because I started a new cycle, and there's a mum on the next table breastfeeding her Bubba... reminding me what I am not. Maybe I should leave... but why should I... I was here first, and I was perfectly OK sourcing some images for an article I had worked on. 

It is so maddening to suddenly have to contain my emotions, these crazy emotions which seem to have a life of their own, and usually let me know they exist when I'm out in public... why couldn't they just keep in check until it's dark and I'm alone!

Grrrr!!

The fact is, that according to a charity poll conducted recently, 91% of people suffering with fertility problems suffer from depression at some point in their struggles. Perhaps, one of the most difficult emotional consequences of infertility is the loss of control over one’s life (Domar AD, Seibel MM. Emotional aspects of infertility. In Seibel MM (ed). Infertility: a comprehensive text. Stamford: Appleton and Lange; 1997.p.29-44). A loss of control creates a huge sense of hopelessness when thinking about the future.

In my experience, there seems to be offers of support for those who go down the route of using one of the treatments available, like IVF, IUI etc... but what of those of us who can't use them for financial or health reasons, what about those who want to but are not eligible for help from the NHS, or what about those who had a number of attempts, which weren't successful and now the courses, and all options, have come to an end - what support? What counselling? What help?

Depression is the silent enemy of women who desire to be a Mumma, and who are fighting infertility. It can take a grip at any moment. As Christian's this can lead to the added pressure of feeling incredibly guilty - after all, aren't we supposed to trust God! Doesn't depression mean we have stopped trusting God??? How can we be a "good Christian" if we are depressed?? Not only does the Christian woman have to suffer the heartbreaking stigma of being infertile, but there's the added anxiety of having to appear to "hold it all together" and yet all you may want to do is hide in a dark corner, eat chocolate and never face the world again. The feeling of depression may even take you to the edge of suicide as the prospect of never being a Mumma is too much to bear.

Don't suffer alone. You're walking a lonely road anyway, but you don't have to be alone in it. Let your Hubby in to your heartache. Even if he doesn't understand what you are going through completely, he loves you and wants to be there to just hold you in your pain - remember he is fighting a similar battle with you.

Don't hold back your emotions... OK there may be occasions when you will need to run to the nearest toilet, but you need to be honest with yourself. You need to allow yourself to grieve without pressuring yourself to "get over it".

Be honest with God. I know, I know... talking to God may seem like the hardest thing to d right now, especially if you blame him for your fight against infertility. But we need to "forgive God" for ourselves, because He is the only One who can truly uphold you through the darkest days. It might feel like He has abandoned you, or is withholding good things from you, but He knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you. We may not understand His ways, but we can trust them.

And if you need to, seek out a counsellor. The Infertility Network offer a support helpline (click the link to access information and the number) for those who need to speak to someone who really understands the struggles associated with infertility.

Find a Journey Buddy, preferably another woman who is going through a similar experience, or who has been through it and come out the other side (however that may look). Ain't no one gonna understand like someone who has worn similar shoes on a similar path.

Oh honey, I really wish I could make things better for you, but I pray that you will see the light of Jesus shining in your dark place. 

May you find rest in Yeshua's Shalom