OK! scream over!
I have just received a letter from my consultant to say that I am on the waiting list - which I knew already - for the laparoscopy which will be done to try to open the blocked Fallopian Tube. It turns out that he wants to perform the surgery on both sides - which I hadn't known - rather than just the one tube which we know is blocked. The down-down-down side of this is that I would be at very high risk of an ectopic pregnancy, what with both tubes having been worked on. Oh man!
It's the waiting game continued, but the chances of success with the surgery are low. The chances of being more at risk for complications are high. What's the point in putting my body through this, I have to wonder??? I suppose it will provide my consultant with the clearest picture of what is happening in my Fallopian Tubes, and it could clear things - even for just a couple of attempts - for the eggs to travel, unhindered, to where they can meet with Hubby's Little Swimmers.
I mean, at the end of the day, there is a blockage, and not having the surgery won't change that. As far as I know, the tests showed only one side is blocked, but what if there are complications on the otherside, which my Consultant seems to think there is? If this is the case, that means that no having surgery wouldn't be a great option anyway. I just don't like the elevated risks of having an ectopic. I just want Bubba to be healthy, whole and here!
Either way, through this situation, GOD WILL BE GLORIFIED! Whether Bubba is conceived BEFORE the surgery has to happen, whether Bubba is conceived AFTER the surgery, whether there are increased risks and potential complications... GOD WILL BE GLORIFIED!
If Jesus can raise His friend Lazarus from the dead, then He can breathe life into this deadened womb of mine:
John 11:4: [Jesus] said, “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”
Oh Father God, if there is ANY WAY at all that we can avoid doing this surgery, then I ask that You would intervene in my situation. I pray that during this time I am on the Waiting List that You would hear my prayers and You would grant me Bubba. But if it is Your way for this to happen, then I pray You would bring me to that place of peaceful acceptance that this is Your plan for Bubba and me, because I am not there yet. At this stage, Lord, I actually don't want to be there at all! But not my will - Yours be done.