But like my monthly cycle - there are days when I am full of faith, and there are days when my faithful resolve has weakened somewhat. I may have noticed a pattern too.... Before ovulation - faith levels are up there in the heavens... around the due date of Aunt Flo's arrival - there is a sudden and dramatic dip... or plummet, depending on the symptoms I start to experience!
It's quite exhausting, actually, but this is the cycle my body and my spirit seem to have fallen into step with! The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!
So with this in mind i was struck by this particular incident of healing in Matthew's account of Jesus' life:
Matthew 9: 28:29: ...And Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.” Then He touched their eyes, saying, “According to your faith let it be to you.”
If Jesus had asked me at the wrong time of the month this particular question, and healed me "according to my faith" ... ooeerr missus! That's quite a scary thought that Jesus would sometimes limit Himself to the faith of the person He is healing! I had a conversation with someone just yesterday who thought she had to have people to pray for her, in order to be healed by God, until I explained that it's not about the person praying, it's about the God who hears, answers and heals.
I've always believed that, and yet here we have a journey of healing. Firstly, two blind blokes are following Jesus, asking Him to have mercy on them. Then when Jesus entered a particular house (don't know who's house it was, but they obviously had an open door policy!), these two blokes followed them in. This is quite an incredible thing to do... It can't have been easy for two blind guys to follow someone they couldn't see into unknown areas and entering into a house they had never been to before... and who knows how long they had been following Jesus? Matthew's account doesn't give us any indication of the length of time Jesus walked from one place to the other, it could have taken days, definitely hours... I went to Israel last year, and we went to the Galilee area where Jesus lived The region is mountainous... it's not a level footpath where the blind men would have been walking... it is rocky, dusty, had they been available, hiking boots with the little spikes would have been required as they'd have trekked through the cities of Galilee.
Some of us may have been walking this type of Journey for Bubba in a spiritual sense. following Jesus wherever He leads us, sometimes our journeys are up and down... like a mountain. Crying out to Jesus in the hope He will hear us, "Have mercy on me, Jesus. Have mercy and hear the cries of my heart".
To us, it would seem obvious what we need from the Lord. Just as it would seem obvious to those around that these two blind blokes would have a level of faith which says they believe Jesus is able to heal them, based on the fact that they had followed Him like this.
But Jesus asks them what would appear to be a superfluous question. He says, "Do you believe I am able to do this?" I'd be like, "Err... hello, isn't it obvious??? I can't see where I am going, but I followed you all this time... I saw and heard you raising that little girl to life when she was technically dead, I heard about that woman who touched your coat and was healed... do I believe you can do the same for me????"
But actually... Do I believe God is able to heal me. I don't have a problem with Him healing others... but do I believe He can bring healing in my body, in my situation??
And this is the question I leave us with... You may have following Jesus for years... you may not have been with Him for that long. You may have felt like your walk with Him has been rough and mountainous, rather than the smooth path you were hoping for - or believe you see others walking. You may have been crying out to God for most of your Journey, "Lord have mercy on me!" But now that Jesus turns His attention to you, and asks you "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" Be prepared to answer Him, for He may just respond, "according to your faith, let it be to you."
Father God, I believe You are able, I believe You are willing. But I know that there are times when I hold myself back because I think why would You for me, when there are so many others who have a greater need. Lord, I ask that you would increase my faith that You will, to match the understanding I have that You can. I pray that across this whole situation of others who are TTC, that You would increase faith, so we will be able to respond to Your question with great faith. Lord, I pray You would bring a consistency in how much I believe You can, and take me off the roller-coaster of up down faith which has followed my monthly cycle, bringing a level which will uphold me when times are tough. "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief" (Mark 9:24).