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Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.

Monday, May 27, 2013

The Picnic And The Postman's Present

There is a saying which I have heard which goes something like, "If you've never had it, you can't miss it." I have to say that after the Bank Holiday weekend, I completely disagree with this... when it comes to children and families, you really can miss what you don't have!

Hubby's Best Man came to stay for the weekend and brought his two children up, at the same time that we had my Gorgeous Stepson to stay for the weekend. I loved having a busy household, and loved having the house full of giggling children, especially the little pink shadow who I acquired from the time of their arrival to their departure! It's was absolutely gorgeous having a four year old girl paint my toenails, and want me to put make-up on her and stuff... a lovely lovely experience!!

Before the arrival of our guests, I went shopping to stock up on food, and had to really reign myself in... there are so many "child-friendly" products. and so many foods aimed at little boys, and others aimed at little girls... even yoghurts with Princesses and Cars on them...! I could easily have bought everything!!! I did decide to buy a sparkly bubble bath for the little girl as everything we have is geared toward my Gorgeous Stepson! Oh... and a "little pony" with plaited hair... not to mention the football cards and magazine... and the Moshi Monsters magazine with trump cards!!! OK... I did go a little overboard, with the colouring pencils... and the dot-to-dot book.. but when do I have any little girls in the house!

The day after they arrived, we all took a picnic and went out for the day. It was such a blessing to have the two boys playing together and the little girl joining in when she could. eating our picnic among the other families which had gathered in the popular picnic spot, such a perfect day. Then the two dads took the three children to a play area a little way away from where our picnic blankets and hamper were laid out. And I was left to hold the fort.

I looked around me, watching the mum playing with her little boy. Watching the new parents with their tiny baby. Listened to the family behind me playing frisbee, observed the three generations of a family laughing and generally people-watching.

And suddenly, I felt alone.
I really felt like I was missing something.
Really wished I had my own family... my own real family.
To hear a little voice calling me "mummy" instead of by my first name.
To have my own child enjoying the child-friendly goodies I had bought for our picnic.

In that moment, in the sunshine, surrounded by so many families of varying sizes, I really understood in a huge way what I was missing - even though I have never had it.

When we arrived home, the post had arrived. There was a letter for me from the hospital. They were now ready to call me in for the Operation to unblock my tubes, and could I kindly call the number below to discuss the date and time they had scheduled me in for, but if I no longer needed the procedure could I call a different number. Sadly, at this stage, I do still need it.

Hubby was absolutely brilliant, he grasped the enormity of what the weekend had hit me with, and held me close as the tears exploded from the depth of my spirit when we were alone together.

Father God, I thank You, from the depth of my heart, for allowing me the opportunity to be around these three children... even when the little girl tried to follow me into the toilet! Lord, I pray You would really bless our friends, as they make plans for a new life in a new country together, and that You would help their two children to adjust easily, to settle quickly and to make new friends for life. Lord, I ask You would be with my gorgeous Stepson, and I pray that You would allow him to know You for himself, especially in light of the conversation we'd had around the dining table at dinner time. I pray Lord Jesus that You would become His best friend - he already says he believes in You - may he really know You, in spite of the way he is being brought up. 

And Father God, I pray that when the time is right - and help me to be patient before then - You would bring  me my own child. Mine and Hubby's offspring. A gift from You to us. That the four of us would be able to go on our own family picnics, joining the throng of other families with the sound of our laughter and joy. In Jesus name.

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