I listed the various doors which had been slammed shut in my face:
- I'm over 35. SLAM!
- Hubby and I have been trying for our own child, but after two years, are still childless. SLAM!
- I have a blocked Fallopian Tube. SLAM!
- The laparoscopic salpingostomy which was supposed to unblock it was abandoned. SLAM!
- I tried to take the fertility drug Clomid to stimulate development of the eggs, but had a severe allergic reaction to it. SLAM!
- The Consultant had told me that my only option, really, was IVF. SLAM!
- If IVF was ethically an option for me, if Hubby hadn't already had a son and I was eligible for the free treatment, I wouldn't be able to anyway because of my allergy to Clomid. SLAM!
- Natural IVF is still expensive, and doesn't have a hugely successful live birth rate. SLAM!
OK, seriously God, what is going on here?????????
A still, small voice whispered, "I am clearing the way to demonstrate My power and authority over your situation."
When there are no other doors open, this has to mean God, who is able to do the impossible, HAS to step in to do what only He can do. I have no other options to take. No other routes to travel. No other doors to walk through. Only God can make it possible for me to meet my own Bubba. I just need to find the door that leads to the faith and hope that God will do what is impossible.
Many have said to me, "what about adoption?" Bt to be honest, I don't want to be a Mumma for the sake of being a Mumma. I want to be Mumma to Bubba who is born out of the love and committment Hubby and I share in our marriage. That's the only kind of Mumma I want to be.
Now, where is that open door!