It's about a month since I started the new herbal routine. The idea is that I cut out some of the acidic foods from my diet - which include some of my absolute favourite foods, like pork, including the ever so scrummy bacon sarnies and cherry tomatoes... gutted! In fact, the Sunday after I started the diet, Hubby had bought a joint of pork for dinner... Oh my days - the smell was sooo scrumptious, but I reminded myself of the reasons I was no longer eating pork.
The next day, I met a friend in a cafe, and seriously, I swear the cafe had bought a new room fragrance.. bacon butties! The smell was so strong, it travelled up my nose well before I stepped into the building!
And my Mum-in-Law grows her own fruit and veg... and she happened to have harvested a LOT of tomatoes... especially those juicy, sweet cherry tomatoes... Oh man!
But I made a decision to try to eat in such a way to reduce the inflammation in my body which is affecting my ability to conceive. OK, so there's no actual proof it will change anything, but I have to try. I can't sit around carrying on as I was, because only an idiot expects a change to occur where they do the same thing over and over. I may be many things, but an idiot I am not!
There are times when I end up eating one of the "forbidden" foods on my list, like last night when I went to get some toast and my wholemeal bread had gone mouldy - Hubby's white loaf was fine.
And then... there is the additional "grass juice" as Hubby calls it! Oh my days, the taste...! It's not exactly one to enjoy on a summer's evening!!! But I have to keep my eyes on the bigger picture. From the day of the HSG to the day of the operation, things had deteriorated inside my Tubes. In re-addressing the balance of food into my system, who knows if I can reverse the symptoms and, with the help of our Healer God, create an unblocked passage for my egg to meet with Hubby's little swimmers.
There won't be any scientific proof to suggest this would have happened - but I know that with God, nothing is impossible. Where man fails, He succeeds. Where there is no way, He will make a way possible.
So with this in mind... down the hatch with the grass juice!
About Me
- Bubba's Hopeful Mumma
- Hi. Welcome to my "taboo" blog. My name is Steph, and when I first started this, I was still in my thirties. In 2017, I switch decades! I am a Christian, so underlying everything I do and say is the Word of God, and the foundational truths I have learnt over the years. This doesn't mean I'm perfect - I am human. It just means I recognise I need God's help to live this life and try to live out His way, as best I can. So that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for taking the time to read through my blog, I hope you draw strength, hope or encouragement from what you read.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Discharged
I have just come had an appointment with one of my Consultant's team. I wasn't sure what to expect, really - I thought he might want to check my scars from the op and talk about the options open to us, or something. Hubby couldn't make it, as the appointment was brought forward a week following a cancellation, and neither could my Sis-in Law. So I went alone.
Actually, when I was ushered into the room, the junior doctor seemed to have an agenda... He told me that there is nothing more the NHS can do for me, and my only option is IVF (although he was supposed to have read my notes prior to me walking into the room; if he had, he'd have known IVF is not an an option for me, following the severe reaction to Clomid), and asking me about egg sharing or egg donation, and would I consider it if I pursued IVF.
I politely explained IVF wasn't an option for me. It turns out he's misunderstood the Consultant's notes when he'd read "possible referral to CARE" thinking this meant IVF, when it actually had been in reference to a discussion I'd had with my Consultant about Natural IVF... he stopped talking about egg sharing!
He then told me that as the NHS had nothing more they could do for me, I was being discharged. His nurse handed me a leaflet on CARE, in case I did want to look into Natural IVF later down the line, then he told me to "take care".
I was so glad I had my heels on, there's just something about a good pair of high - skyscraper high - heels to make you walk tall after a blow like that. Being discharged brought home the reality of the chapter closing. The door slamming in my face. While I was still "on the books" (so to speak), it felt like there had still been a glimmer of something being left open for me... somehow... even though I knew in reality there wasn't. Daft, I know!
I reckon when I left the room, the consultant and the nurse looked at each other like, "why was she so calm??" OK, so it wasn't just the shoes... The shalom of Jesus kept me from bursting into tears at that moment. Knowing that God has spoken to me, that He will make a way for Bubba, where science and medicine has fallen short, that's what held me together when I left the hospital.
I treated myself to a Costa coffee and muffin and left... this is the last appointment I will have in relation to the fertility problems I have been having. Hopefully the next time I enter, will be as the Journey for Bubba ends and the Journey with Bubba begins...
Actually, when I was ushered into the room, the junior doctor seemed to have an agenda... He told me that there is nothing more the NHS can do for me, and my only option is IVF (although he was supposed to have read my notes prior to me walking into the room; if he had, he'd have known IVF is not an an option for me, following the severe reaction to Clomid), and asking me about egg sharing or egg donation, and would I consider it if I pursued IVF.
I politely explained IVF wasn't an option for me. It turns out he's misunderstood the Consultant's notes when he'd read "possible referral to CARE" thinking this meant IVF, when it actually had been in reference to a discussion I'd had with my Consultant about Natural IVF... he stopped talking about egg sharing!
He then told me that as the NHS had nothing more they could do for me, I was being discharged. His nurse handed me a leaflet on CARE, in case I did want to look into Natural IVF later down the line, then he told me to "take care".
I reckon when I left the room, the consultant and the nurse looked at each other like, "why was she so calm??" OK, so it wasn't just the shoes... The shalom of Jesus kept me from bursting into tears at that moment. Knowing that God has spoken to me, that He will make a way for Bubba, where science and medicine has fallen short, that's what held me together when I left the hospital.
I treated myself to a Costa coffee and muffin and left... this is the last appointment I will have in relation to the fertility problems I have been having. Hopefully the next time I enter, will be as the Journey for Bubba ends and the Journey with Bubba begins...
Friday, September 20, 2013
The Essence of Herbs
I was talking to a friend of mine about the failed operation. She had walked this journey about 20 years ago, and went on to have three children, so I felt safe enough to talk to her about my frustration about what had happened. We were at a friend's hen-do (lunch on the river, thank you very much!!) so it was quite funny having this conversation and trying to not burst into tears!!
She told me about a place near where she lives which specialises in Herbal Treatment for various conditions, and where science has failed, maybe I should look at other options. Normally, this kind of thing would have sent me running in totally the opposite direction, but she explained that the family had been running their clinic for over a hundred years, and that there were members of the family who were Messianic Jewish Believers.
So, I checked out the website, and read about each of the consultants. It turns out that one of them has actually chosen to focus her training and research specifically in fertility issues. I thought I might as well go and speak to her, she maybe able to help me feel like I was taking some control of the situation.
I spoke to Hubby about it, but he wasn't so keen. He suggested I seek the Lord's will in this, and wait a month before going. So I made an appointment for four weeks after we had spoken, and asked the Lord to make it clear to me if I should not go. But didn't hear anything. Except Hubby's hesitation.
On the day of the appointment, I made my way to Leicester and arrived at the Clinic in good time. I checked in and took a seat in the waiting room. On the wall there was a map of the UK and a map of the world, and people had stuck pins in to represent where they had come from. The appeal of this small family-run Herbal Clinic was world-wide.
My consultant came to meet me from the waiting room, and led me into her consultation room. It looked just like a doctor's surgery room with the medical bed, a desk, scales etc... this actually made me relax a bit actually, it was a familiar environment.
She then asked all kinds of questions and I answered them, explaining about the tests I'd had, the clomid allergy, the failed operation, the endo... she went through everything about my lifestyle habits, my cycle, diet etc... Then she checked my glucose levels, my iron levels, and blood pressure. She then asked me to lie on the bed while she checked my abdomen (using techniques reminiscent of an old film, where the doctor taps his hands on the back of her hand over various parts of the abdomen!).
She said she thought that I may have endo with a hint of PCOS (looking at the huge acne outbreak on my face and chest, the spots reminded her of PCOS sufferers plus I'd told her about my Mother's PCOS issues). She suggested we try a diet which cuts out acidic foods, to try to help my body fight against the inflammation within my tubes. She listed some of my favourite foods which were acidic and which I should avoid... pork (no more bacon butties!!), strawberries, chocolate, white bread / pasta / rice etc... and said she would give me a mixture of liquid and tablets which would supplement this.
After an hour, I was led back to the waiting room, and waited for my prescription to be made up. When I asked what would be in it, she said she would need to work it out once I had finished my consultation, but if I really wanted to know, I could email her. I am yet to send her the email though - I kinda got the feeling that she would prefer to not give this information, in case I just get my own (cheaper) version!
After about 15 minutes, I was handed a big bottle of brown liquid, and a tube of pale brown tablets... oh, and a very very BIG bill... I was expecting it to be a fair amount, but the invoice was waaaay more than I had anticipated!
"That's OK" the reception replied breezily, "you can pay on a weekly basis!"
"But I only get paid monthly, so would be able to pay any more until next month... and probably the month after that!"
"That's OK, just pay what you can now, and then the rest as and when you can."
So now, I have a ban on chocolate, an unhappy Hubby, and no chance to buy any shoes for the next two months, till I pay off this bill...
"At least it's cheaper than IVF!" I explained to Hubby after telling him about the new debt...
But, I'm not sure I can keep this treatment up for long!
She told me about a place near where she lives which specialises in Herbal Treatment for various conditions, and where science has failed, maybe I should look at other options. Normally, this kind of thing would have sent me running in totally the opposite direction, but she explained that the family had been running their clinic for over a hundred years, and that there were members of the family who were Messianic Jewish Believers.
So, I checked out the website, and read about each of the consultants. It turns out that one of them has actually chosen to focus her training and research specifically in fertility issues. I thought I might as well go and speak to her, she maybe able to help me feel like I was taking some control of the situation.
I spoke to Hubby about it, but he wasn't so keen. He suggested I seek the Lord's will in this, and wait a month before going. So I made an appointment for four weeks after we had spoken, and asked the Lord to make it clear to me if I should not go. But didn't hear anything. Except Hubby's hesitation.
On the day of the appointment, I made my way to Leicester and arrived at the Clinic in good time. I checked in and took a seat in the waiting room. On the wall there was a map of the UK and a map of the world, and people had stuck pins in to represent where they had come from. The appeal of this small family-run Herbal Clinic was world-wide.
My consultant came to meet me from the waiting room, and led me into her consultation room. It looked just like a doctor's surgery room with the medical bed, a desk, scales etc... this actually made me relax a bit actually, it was a familiar environment.
She then asked all kinds of questions and I answered them, explaining about the tests I'd had, the clomid allergy, the failed operation, the endo... she went through everything about my lifestyle habits, my cycle, diet etc... Then she checked my glucose levels, my iron levels, and blood pressure. She then asked me to lie on the bed while she checked my abdomen (using techniques reminiscent of an old film, where the doctor taps his hands on the back of her hand over various parts of the abdomen!).
She said she thought that I may have endo with a hint of PCOS (looking at the huge acne outbreak on my face and chest, the spots reminded her of PCOS sufferers plus I'd told her about my Mother's PCOS issues). She suggested we try a diet which cuts out acidic foods, to try to help my body fight against the inflammation within my tubes. She listed some of my favourite foods which were acidic and which I should avoid... pork (no more bacon butties!!), strawberries, chocolate, white bread / pasta / rice etc... and said she would give me a mixture of liquid and tablets which would supplement this.
After an hour, I was led back to the waiting room, and waited for my prescription to be made up. When I asked what would be in it, she said she would need to work it out once I had finished my consultation, but if I really wanted to know, I could email her. I am yet to send her the email though - I kinda got the feeling that she would prefer to not give this information, in case I just get my own (cheaper) version!
After about 15 minutes, I was handed a big bottle of brown liquid, and a tube of pale brown tablets... oh, and a very very BIG bill... I was expecting it to be a fair amount, but the invoice was waaaay more than I had anticipated!
"That's OK" the reception replied breezily, "you can pay on a weekly basis!"
"But I only get paid monthly, so would be able to pay any more until next month... and probably the month after that!"
"That's OK, just pay what you can now, and then the rest as and when you can."
So now, I have a ban on chocolate, an unhappy Hubby, and no chance to buy any shoes for the next two months, till I pay off this bill...
"At least it's cheaper than IVF!" I explained to Hubby after telling him about the new debt...
But, I'm not sure I can keep this treatment up for long!
Monday, August 19, 2013
God's Whisper Into My Broken Heart
I wasn't sure about sharing this, but I would like one day, when Bubba is conceived, I would like to use this to reflect on the Journey the Lord has led me on with Bubba when he or she is old enough to understand how God has planned him or her.
A few weeks ago, a member of the Church, who is in the same Home Group, called me one Sunday morning, as she'd had a word from the Lord for me. I was going to Church in the evening, and as I was still recovering from the op, I'd decided to only attend the one service. Anyway, she called me after lunch and blew me away with what she shared with me:
She told me she had been praying for me during the morning while she was getting ready for Church, and while she was praying the Lord gave her a picture - a revelation. She said she saw me watching TV, watching the news reports of the new Royal baby's arrival. She said that as she watched me, watching TV, I was wiping tears from my eyes. She said she was taken back to the time in her life when she was trying for a baby, for a son she had been told she would never had, and experienced an overwhelming grief with me as she had felt back then. Then as the reports came to and end, and another programme came on, I shook my hair and wiped my face as if to say "Right then. That's it! Time to just move on with things."
She said after showing her this picture, He told her to tell me two things. One: He is Creator, and His speciality is in new creation. Two: He has not taken me off the mother list.
What this lady didn't know was that Hubby and I were trying for Bubba, and that I had just had an operation to unblock my Fallopian tubes, which had failed. When I said this to her, she said she had always seen me as a career woman with goals and ambition, and had not been confident enough to share the picture with me, without first checking it with our Home Group leader (who knows our situation).
Neither did she know that the picture the Lord had shown her was EXACTLY how I had been during all the wall-to-wall news reports were being broadcast about the new royal arrival. As I prayed for the new baby and his royal parents, I felt overwhelming grief about my own situation, as I tried to come to terms with the abandoned op I'd had a few days earlier.
And only the Lord knew how close I was to giving up hope of ever becoming Mumma to our own Bubba. Where science has failed me, God won't. He restored my hope for the future of having Bubba...and my hope for a future, full stop.
I don't know how long we will have to wait - because God doesn't always reveal a time frame. But He has given me a glimpse into the work He is doing behind the scenes for Hubby and me. God IS the Creator of life - and where my Fallopian tubes have become blocked and are failing at this moment in time, God knows how to bypass this and to make a way for Bubba to be conceived where there seems to be absolutely no way. He is God. He will make a way through for the right sperm to connect with a healthy egg, and for a healthy Bubba to be conceived, implanted and develop.
Thank You Lord for for whispering Your words of comfort and love, of a hope and a future into me broken heart. Thank You for the faithfulness of women like this who You are able to bring revelation and prophecy to, because they seek Your face. I pray for anyone reading this who needs this kind of encouragement for their own Journey for Bubba, that You would also whisper Your love, comfort, hope and future into their broken hearts, in Jesus' name.
A few weeks ago, a member of the Church, who is in the same Home Group, called me one Sunday morning, as she'd had a word from the Lord for me. I was going to Church in the evening, and as I was still recovering from the op, I'd decided to only attend the one service. Anyway, she called me after lunch and blew me away with what she shared with me:
She told me she had been praying for me during the morning while she was getting ready for Church, and while she was praying the Lord gave her a picture - a revelation. She said she saw me watching TV, watching the news reports of the new Royal baby's arrival. She said that as she watched me, watching TV, I was wiping tears from my eyes. She said she was taken back to the time in her life when she was trying for a baby, for a son she had been told she would never had, and experienced an overwhelming grief with me as she had felt back then. Then as the reports came to and end, and another programme came on, I shook my hair and wiped my face as if to say "Right then. That's it! Time to just move on with things."
She said after showing her this picture, He told her to tell me two things. One: He is Creator, and His speciality is in new creation. Two: He has not taken me off the mother list.
What this lady didn't know was that Hubby and I were trying for Bubba, and that I had just had an operation to unblock my Fallopian tubes, which had failed. When I said this to her, she said she had always seen me as a career woman with goals and ambition, and had not been confident enough to share the picture with me, without first checking it with our Home Group leader (who knows our situation).
Neither did she know that the picture the Lord had shown her was EXACTLY how I had been during all the wall-to-wall news reports were being broadcast about the new royal arrival. As I prayed for the new baby and his royal parents, I felt overwhelming grief about my own situation, as I tried to come to terms with the abandoned op I'd had a few days earlier.
And only the Lord knew how close I was to giving up hope of ever becoming Mumma to our own Bubba. Where science has failed me, God won't. He restored my hope for the future of having Bubba...and my hope for a future, full stop.
I don't know how long we will have to wait - because God doesn't always reveal a time frame. But He has given me a glimpse into the work He is doing behind the scenes for Hubby and me. God IS the Creator of life - and where my Fallopian tubes have become blocked and are failing at this moment in time, God knows how to bypass this and to make a way for Bubba to be conceived where there seems to be absolutely no way. He is God. He will make a way through for the right sperm to connect with a healthy egg, and for a healthy Bubba to be conceived, implanted and develop.
Thank You Lord for for whispering Your words of comfort and love, of a hope and a future into me broken heart. Thank You for the faithfulness of women like this who You are able to bring revelation and prophecy to, because they seek Your face. I pray for anyone reading this who needs this kind of encouragement for their own Journey for Bubba, that You would also whisper Your love, comfort, hope and future into their broken hearts, in Jesus' name.
Dehydrated Feet
I don't know what it was, but after my stint in the hospital following my op, I noticed my feet - which were normally OK - became really dry. Maybe it was the result of not having anything to drink for so long leading up to the procedure, my body became dehydrated. I don't know. But they were awful!! I know some people have an issue with feet, but I normally love my feet, but for weeks, they were an embarrassment to me!!
I literally tried everything I could think of, to try and sort them out... My mum had even bought me one of those Ped Egg things... but even this didn't seem to help!
I then came across Palmer's Foot Magic... at the risk of sounding like a bad advert... It is brilliant!! After the first time of using it, putting my little cotton socks on, already my feet look like their old selves!!! I'm not quite so ashamed of them, and wish I'd found this stuff earlier.
If you are facing an op where you can't eat or drink prior to the procedure, and your body has the potential to become dehydrated - invest in some kind of foot loving cream / lotion / / treatment / mask... your feet will love you for it!! Prevention is better than cure!
I'd had no idea that my feet would have been affected by dehydration like they were - or I believe them to have been. In all the pre-op stuff, there was no warning, which is why I thought I'd let you know!!
Bad advert over!! Lol!
I literally tried everything I could think of, to try and sort them out... My mum had even bought me one of those Ped Egg things... but even this didn't seem to help!
If you are facing an op where you can't eat or drink prior to the procedure, and your body has the potential to become dehydrated - invest in some kind of foot loving cream / lotion / / treatment / mask... your feet will love you for it!! Prevention is better than cure!
I'd had no idea that my feet would have been affected by dehydration like they were - or I believe them to have been. In all the pre-op stuff, there was no warning, which is why I thought I'd let you know!!
Bad advert over!! Lol!
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Stitches Removed
It's been five weeks since the op... five weeks since my body was invaded by surgeons trying to help me. Five weeks since the stitches - which were supposed to be dissolving by themselves within a couple of weeks - have finally been removed. Finally!!
The pain has drastically reduced! And what a huge blessing!!!
I don't know why the stitches didn't dissolve... the first thought which comes to mind is, "Did they put the wrong type in??" The second is, "Why didn't they dissolve??" I may not ever really know - an internet search doesn't really offer much of a suggestion. One of the stitches had become stuck, as the wounds were healing around it - which was the most painful one for the nurse to remove!
But in light of the discomfort and pain caused by the stitches having become hard, pulling on my skin when I moved, catching on my clothing - the removal of them was so bearable!
Now, hopefully, the wounds can heal easily, properly and without much scarring. Although every single one of those scars I will show to Bubba when he or she eventually arrives, to show the lengths Hubby and I went to, for Bubba to be conceived. Every single one of those scars will show our child how much we wanted him or her, and how much he or she is loved. Every scar will tell the story back to Bubba.
In the same way, every scar Jesus endured on the cross, tells the story to each one of us of His love for us, and how valuable we are to Him. Every scar tells the story of the lengths Jesus went through, to ensure we would be adopted into His family, through the decision we make to follow Him. Every scar - our story.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Stitches Still Haven't Dissolved
So, it's almost five weeks since I had the op, and since I was told the stitches were dissolvable and would disappear on their own in about 2-3 weeks. Five weeks since I was discharged from the hospital, and told to visit my local nurse if I had any problems. Obviously, the infection was something the GP had to sort out rather than the nurse, and I wonder if that has affected the dissolving of the stitches. I'm also slightly concerned as I have to wonder if the fact there is an issue with the external stitches could be an indication of the internal ones as well? How would anyone know??
I called my local GP to fix an appointment with the nurse last week, but they were fully booked and I had to wait till this week. I did have the opportunity to speak to the nurse though, only for her to tell me that with them being dissolvable stitches, she couldn't touch them, and she referred me back to the outpatients. They referred me back to the nurse... have you ever felt like a tennis ball???
I spoke to the nurse this morning though, and she said she is happy to look at them knowing the hospital have absolved themselves of all responsibility of me. Yippee me!
In the meantime though... the pain as the stitches pull - at least I hope that's what's happening, but as a non-medical-type person, I have no idea what is happening... I just feel the incredibly sharp stab of pain at odd times when I move. Like on Saturday when we went for a walk, and on our way back to the car walked back up the hill we'd walked (run/fallen!!!) down... Ouch!! The stitches weren't so keen on that action. And then today, as I was doing a big clean... again, Ouch!!! The stitches made their protest felt. I can kind of understand those actions affecting them. But then after dinner, as I stood to take my stuff into the kitchen... Ouch! Like, seriously... why?? Down went the paracetamol, and up went the hope the nurse will make it all better when I see her on Wednesday.
I spoke to the nurse this morning though, and she said she is happy to look at them knowing the hospital have absolved themselves of all responsibility of me. Yippee me!
In the meantime though... the pain as the stitches pull - at least I hope that's what's happening, but as a non-medical-type person, I have no idea what is happening... I just feel the incredibly sharp stab of pain at odd times when I move. Like on Saturday when we went for a walk, and on our way back to the car walked back up the hill we'd walked (run/fallen!!!) down... Ouch!! The stitches weren't so keen on that action. And then today, as I was doing a big clean... again, Ouch!!! The stitches made their protest felt. I can kind of understand those actions affecting them. But then after dinner, as I stood to take my stuff into the kitchen... Ouch! Like, seriously... why?? Down went the paracetamol, and up went the hope the nurse will make it all better when I see her on Wednesday.
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